Two wrongs dont make a right

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Two wrongs dont make a right
1
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 9:39am
My H has a EA, he lied to me even during counseling while crying his eyes out. 3 months after our MC he wanted to end it and I found out he never really stopped his contact with OW (they worked together). I packed up and moved many states away because he said he was done, over, etc. We talked and decided we might want to try to make things work. Then he said he didnt know, basically dragging me around. I kissed a guy on New Years, yes my H knows, he was upset at first then come to understand. Then he begged for me back and wanted to move here. I forgave and was truely trying to work on trusting him. He was suppose to visit a month ago, plane ticket bought, everything he cancelled at the last minute claimin court stuff with his exwife but after research and phone calls the courts had no records or a scheduled appointment which I called several times to make sure. I was crushed and felt betrayed all over again.

I had decided to move on, then I became close to a guy at work who is living with a girl. We flirted, talked and enjoyed each other. I felt for once not guilty because I had tried everything I knew to save my M, so yes I have kissed this guy. I didnt feel guilty at all but lately now my H and I have been talking about trying again and him moving here. Now I am second guessing my relationship with this other guy even though it really is a friendship and I really dont have any intentions in trying to build a relationship with him ( I think). I am so so so confused and mixed up and I am so tired of being a walking emotional car wreck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 10:57am
Well, I think an emotional car-wreck is probably an overstatement LOL, but I can identify. Some of our threads have been discussing whether things happen for a reason, and that may be exactly what's going on in your situation. My H and I both ended our relationships with others over the summer to try to make our marriage work, but it didn't. I don't think we were ready to try at that point. We made a decision to try it again in February, and this time its working wonderfully. Why? I don't know. Maybe relationships have to hit a bottom before they can get better. Maybe you both had lessons you needed to learn in order to come back together to make it work. Who knows? Sometimes you just have to trust your own instincts.

Two wrongs don't make it right, true. But all you did was kiss him and you had exhausted all possible means of making the marriage work at that time. Take a fresh look at how you feel about the marriage today, not a few months ago when you kissed your new interest. And take your time. Your H may have made a misrepresentation to you about his obligation to be in court about his exwife and who knows why? But proceed cautiously. Best wishes and hugs!

mo 7-18-10