Help - new to board and need advice
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 3:09pm |
I tried ending it 3 times, but kept crawling back. I know I deserve so much more! But he would always start calling and e-mailing. We worked together too - making it so hard. So - I finally left the job a month ago so I could move on from this. However, he ended it with me my last week at the office b/c the A was "exposed." Someone at work somehow found out and went to the president of the company. It was awful. But he ended it b/c we would have to continue to sneak around even after he and his wife split. So, I started NC with him b/c he of course started calling and calling. I was able to keep that up for 2 weeks - no replies to e-mails, texts, didn't pick up the phone. However, I caved and finally picked up. He had news - he and W had separated. She was going to go home for a week (she gets back this weekend), then she is going to stay with an aunt and uncle for a couple of weeks while they figure out what to do.
I am so freaked out. I never thought this would ever happen. He tells me he is in love with me and that he feels we are meant to be - but we haven't discussed what this separation means for "us." I want to give him the time and space he needs right now. But I am so confused. For the most part - could he be lying?? We have mutual friends, so he knows I will know if she is around. What if after everything he doesn't want to be with me. I feel he is being distant this week - but he is going through so much. What if he doesn't want to be with me now that we potentially have an opportunity to be together? HELP! Has anyone been involved when they do in fact become separated??? I love him very much and I want for us to have an opportunity to have a normal relationship without the deception. Is that possible? I am so scared right now, I just want to run away.

Here is the best advice you can get, tell him to call you after he has a signed and sealed divorce decree in his hand and not before, any other postion will allow you to be explotated.
Just for your info over 95 percent of affair based relationships die with in the first year, 97 percent die over the longer term, of all affair based marriages over 85 percent end in divorce.
Bare in mind MM has proven himself to be a liar and a cheater, way would it be any different with you.
Good luck
F
'You know you deserve more yet you keep going back.
You "know" it, yet don't "believe" it, do you? I think that if you truly believed your self-worth that there would be no waffling with OM. Believing your full worth leaves you no room for a part-time relationship built on lies and skulking.
You're worth more than that. At all times.
If you're really interested in a relationship with xMM, it will wait until he is single. And that's where it should re-start. When he is single.
If the relationship truly is meant to be, you'll still be single if he ever gets his divorce and comes looking for you. THat's what it was like when I was married and my xOW was single. We're now together. Perhaps that's what will happen with you and xMM.
Perhaps not.
In the meantime, you deserve a full life with above board contacts and relationshis without any lying or excuses.
So live it that way.
Your choice.............
cl-nre