Do I say goodbye?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Do I say goodbye?
4
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 1:27am
I have decided to end a 2 year affair. I am very much in love with this man (we've known each other for 13 years and share a child who is being raised as my husband's son. Long story there, but if you need clarification to answer my question, please ask.), but I realize that a real relationship is not possible. I love my husband and kids, this is where I need to be. But I am confused as to whether or not I should say goodbye. I haven't talked to him since I made this decision. And it is so hard everyday, not to call and tell him I love him, miss him, or want to see him. So, should I just let things rest now? Or do I tell him what I've decided and why? If you chose not to say goodbye, why? If you chose to say goodbye, why? I need some advice, but would also like some examples by way of experience. You don't need to be too personal. I'm just so confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 2:20am


How long has it been sense you talked to him?

Does he know that the child is his?

What would you say, could you really walk away if you saw him again?

What do you think you would accomplish by saying goodbye, would it be an oportunity for one last bump and grind?

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 3:26pm

From your post it seems that xOM has acceded to you raising his son as your husband's child. i sure hope they have the same blood type....


If OM has already grown comfortable with the mutual decision to raise your son with your husband instead of him, I'd say a good-bye letter is in order. Or at the very least a letter that clearly states the physical aspect of your relationship with him is over.


You don't mention if OM and husband know each other. If so, OM will continue to wander in and out of your life. And if that's the case, bringing finality to the physical relationship will surely help keep the boundaries in place going forward.


You've decided to remain in your marriage. Your choice. Choices have consequences. i hope OM is able to respect this decision and move on, knowing his son is in good hands.


I vote for a closure letter and then move on.


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:27am
I only have a few questions here. Does your husband know the child is not his??? Does he know of the affair? And lastly, is he O.K. with raising your son as his????
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 1:15pm
I guess I should've clarified the whole issue with my son. I met OM many, many years ago, and we had a relationship. We found out I was pregnant, and a job caused him to leave. I met my husband a few months after my son was born and all 3 of us decided through discussion that my husband would raise the child as his own. OM was married, other responsibilities, we live FAR apart, I didn't want a part-time dad for my son, husband is incredible father. My son knows the biology of it all, but is old enough to make his own decision, and says he knows who his dad is. This is why OM came back into my life, trying to get his "house" in order, so to speak. And for the post about the "bump and grind" (I know it isn't you, jeephead) I need to add, this is far more than sex, but if you must know, that has only happened once during the entire affair.