how do I say goodbye to my ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
how do I say goodbye to my ex
1
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 10:26am
I think I know what I need to do but I guess I need to hear from someone else. My ex and I were together for about 3 years. When we ended I dated other men but always stayed in contact with him (believe it or not none of the guys that I dated had a problem with it in the beginning- things would change after it started getting serious). So me and my ex continued to talk even though I was involved. I was determined to stay friends with him no matter what, but eventually it started destroying my relationships. Not so much on their part but on mine. I would soon start comparing them with my ex and if they didn’t match up I would end the relationship (but even with this I still did not want my ex).

Anyway I am now in a very serious relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we are thinking of living together. When my boyfriend and I first got together we was not comfortable with me having a relationship with my ex (it caused a lot of little arguments). Eventually I decided that I should stop communicating with my ex, it was ruining all of my relationships. I really fell for my boyfriend right away. I knew that I didn’t want my ex back and that I was ready to start this new relationship. So I was honest with my ex and told him that we should move on. He didn’t agree right away but he backed off and we stopped speaking for like 6 months.

I was online one day and he was on we started speaking and since then we have not stopped it’s been almost a year. He calls me at work sometimes (he had my work number b4 I got together with my boyfriend), and now he has a 6 month pregnant girlfriend. He tells me that she knows that me and him speak and she doesn’t mind. Well here is the thing I am now feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. I feel like I have betrayed my boyfriend who I am crazy about and treats me like a queen. So I need and want to end this secret relationship that I still have with my ex. Its killing me inside. To make matter worse my ex feels like my boyfriend should just except it.

I want to end this, I would be so hurt if this secret destroyed me current relationship. So my question is how do I end this, how do I explain to my ex that we can no longer talk. I know 100% that if my boyfriend found out that I was still speaking to him he would leave me. And honestly my ex has been a problem before. He is a nice guy but he just doesn’t get it. He is becoming a financial advisor and actually suggested for me and my boyfriend to use him. He says that my boyfriend should get over his insecurities. I know that I made a huge deal when my boyfriends ex called him, and he actually told her in front of me that he is involved and that she should not call again, and she hasn’t.

I have known my ex for about 8 years and I dont want to hurt his feeling but I know that can go on without talking to him. I really care about my boyfriend, we are so good for each other I dont want to lose him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 9:49pm
Soi, do what you know you need to do. Tell xboyfriend that you cannot continue the secretive conversations and stop taking his calls.

~Chris~<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />