The Working of the Subconscious Mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
The Working of the Subconscious Mind
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:51am
as we know often comes out in dreams. i rarely dream of xMM but did last night. It was a long dream with many scenes. But in a nutshell it was about this: that my xMM's wife had died and that he was chosen to remarry and become a leader in his church. I discovered this, by accident, in the dream; he came to me and said i am sorry; this is what i must do. There was loving and longing in the conversation, but there was no changing his mind--i didn't even try. He had grown a beard. His inlaws were very kind to me; they brought me before the congregation and the celebration as if to say: we don't hold grudges for the feelings our son in law had for you, everyone here knows this could have been you; but it's not! These institutions of faith and family are far more important than love--and he must move on without you.

I kept thinking in the dream: there is no way my Xmm can live up to this. He is too sexual and wants and desires so much. [we often talked about this during our A: Xmm is very conservative, but he always wanted to grow a beard and ride off on a Harley and never look back at all those things he felt had stiffled and trapped him. We often talked of running away together and never looking back. His favorite song was The Who's "I've had Enough."

I am sure i dreamt this last night due to the post i made here yesterday that i had always thought xMM to be a religious and spiritual man that struggled with putting away his "wilder side" to do the right thing. We spent the bulk of our A talking about these things. So, my dream, reinforced the decisions we've made: that the instituion of family and faith outweighs the passions of the heart. This is what i know, he will always chose and that's OK.