One Year Ago Today. . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
One Year Ago Today. . .
1
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 5:26pm
on this particular Thursday in April, is when my A started. The actual day was 4/24. I remember reading an email from Xmm that morning, around 7:45 a.m.--that confirmed what i had thought--that he was in love with me and he wanted to talk with me more about it later that morning. I can remember being in my bathroom after that and my H talking to me about an issue with my younger son and all i can remember was my knees were shaking.

Later, after Xmm and i had our conversation by phone, confessing all, he called me while on the way to pick up my kids from school. I remember saying to him: What are we saying here? What are we trying to say. And he said: We are saying the same thing; we are both headed down the same path. I can remember exactly where i was on my drive when he said that, and i still think about that, every day when i get to the same intersection in my commute.

But little by little these sign posts are falling away. I used to wonder where my morning email was; or mid afternoon call; or call while i was fixing dinner. Those things are starting to fall away too--so now i don't even think, so much anymore, about the silence that is real now. It's just silence that's all. I still have trouble with the email, but in time that will get better. And one of these days, i will pass by that intersection, go thru the light, and i won't have thought about any of it at all. it will only be an intersection.

Not thinking of him this morning--i have every morning for over a year now--was a major, major thing for me.

I have to be honest: reading this back made me cry--because i finally know it's over. I am starting to feel a shift--and it makes me feel sad and happy all at the same time.

Clarice





Edited 4/22/2004 5:29 pm ET ET by claricews

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 5:50pm
And I have to be honest too....reading your post made me cry too.

Be happy Clarice. Be proud of what you have accomplished and that you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you found the strength to move on with your life.

I look forward to the day that I will come in to work and not feel that anxiety of not receiving his email or hearing his voice on the phone or contemplate reaching out to him.

xo!