NC, Expectation, Obsession Circle

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
NC, Expectation, Obsession Circle
2
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 12:12pm
so for me, this is how this works: when I break NC (as i did yesterday) expectations are set up. In this case, my expectation is I will hear back from xMM. Then i start obsessing on it (checking email frequently; wondering if the four calls to my cell phone, each 1 or 2 minutes apart was him (He would often do this when he couldn't reach me).

Break NC = expectation = obsession = disappointment = feeling bad = mustering strength to restart

To the best of my knowledge, xMM did not respond to my funny email of yesterday asking him to play my favorite numbers in Vegas this weekend (way too intimate of an email. I need to just stick to business with this man.)

But that's OK. I still feel ok about it today but i saw the pattern as described above yesterday when i broke down.

A learning experience. I'll be fine.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 8:17pm
I did that same crazy rollercoaster, yo-yo behavior the first year of our affair. End it, NC, then obsessing over having contact, then gradually reestablishing contact and eventually back into the affair. It was so much like a drug addiction. I kind of settled down in year 2 and just had the affair & still wasn't happy -- the guilt, shame, low self-esteem just ate me up. Then year 3, it was all about getting out. I'm affair free for over one year now. I'm so so so much happier.

I think it is part of the process of getting out. Maybe we see how crazy the affair is making us -- we hit our "bottom" in a way -- maybe it's not the rockbottom because we didn't confront the wife or stand screaming in his yard or whatever -- just seeing our own version of crazy that wakes us up to finding our way back to sanity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 11:29pm
Oh foolnomore, I couldn't agree with you more..........while for the 12th time I'm checking email because we have this "great" HA!!! HA!!! friendship!

I've hit that bottom so many times, by butt is starting to get sore! Physical affair, emotional affair, friendship??? I would never allow any of my NORMAL friends to treat me the way I've allowed him to treat me! Whatever relationship we have needs to end before I end up on a one way ride to the crazy house!

Thanks for letting me vent.............tonight is a very bad night!