Feeling a Little Down

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Feeling a Little Down
4
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 2:41pm
Hi everyone. Well, I hope you all had good weekends. Mine was great and I didn't think of MM hardly at all.

But now I'm back at work, going into week 3 of NC from him and feeling kind of mixed up about that. I feel a little sad that I haven't heard from him in so long but also I KNOW that I should try and end it anyways. H wants to work on R with me.

The one thing that I don't know if I can stand though, is the thought that I may never have a good sex life again without MM.

H is not really motivated in that dept., we haven't even done it since Xmas.

That is one of the things he said we'd work on, but to tell the truth it was never frequent/regular ever since we 1st got M.

Does anyone else ever feel like this too? That giving up the sex is going to be really hard and you're afraid you may regret giving it up?

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:26pm
Well Dusty since you don't go into detail as to why H is not motivated in that department it's a little difficult to offer support. LOL I know we all get into the affairs for a number of reasons. Mine was purely selfish because overall my H and I have a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship. When I stumbled across the OM late one evening at the bar while out with a few girlfriends it was his green eyes that first attracted me to him followed by a fifth or so of Jim Beam... and well I am not proud of where things lead. However what I discovered was an extremely sensual, kind, thoughtful person, full of caresses and soft kisses. Was it that my H did not possess these things? Not necessarily. If there were things about my H that I was dis-satisfied with, it was simply because I hadn't brought those concerns to his attention. If that makes sense.

He is the first one to say "Hey.... tell me what you're missing or what you're wanting and I'll oblige pronto." hehehe. I guess my A differs from many due to the fact that it turned very emotional very quickly. Deep emotional issues, loving... not necessarily sexual - although the kissing certainly kept me going back.

I hope it's not out of line or inappropriate for this board but heck maybe surprise your hubby with a rented porn tape. WooHoo. It doesn't have to be completely nasty and repulsive (and I'm not condoning sex addicts or whatever) - but they can spice things up. Just a very odd suggestion.

elf



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:31pm
I have counted the times my H and i have had sex in our 18 year relationship--it's about 50 or so. Sometimes, we would go 1 or 2 years between having sex. Although xMM and i never had sex, we talked about it all the time--he described my body to me in perfect detail without ever seeing it; he would talk about what our bodies would look like/be together. We both knew, that if we ever did have sex it would be very powerful. Once, he cut a deal with me that we could do everything but intercourse (we never did much as i ended it before it got that far).

But, we had an incredibly powerful sexual connection and understanding about one another. I know more about xMM and he me, than i have ever known about my H (or my H has ever known about me). So, do i miss sex now that the A is over. Well, i never seemed to have it either way (with H or with xMM). And all of that is very sad because i am an incredibly sexual person and enjoy sex very much.

I do know, that after H and i married 13 years ago, i cried for a month--because i knew then, what i know now: that we would never have an intimate or passionate life together and i was mourning that. You see, my problem isn't new at all. This has been going on with me for over a decade and a half. Xmm was the only man, though, that i ever even considered an A with.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:34pm
I second elf; you might need to take it upon yourself to make sure you try to make sex more of a priority in your marriage. Check out the "Sex Tips for Married Girls" board:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rbsextips&nav=start

Can't hurt, might help. ;-)

Good luck. I think a healthy sex life is a very important thing to strive for in a marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:47pm
Clarice, I'm so sorry. That must be so hard. Did you guys ever check out the "clashing libidos" board? http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlclashing&nav=start

Maybe this will bring you a little bit of comfort as far as the XMM goes: My XMM and I did a heck of a lot of sex-talking, too. We lived far apart and didn't get together all that frequently. And when we did get together -- well, I'd be less than honest if I didn't admit that the real thing did not quite live up to all the talk, at least in my opinion... It might have been better to keep it all at the fantasy level.