reality check

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
reality check
1
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:30pm
I have lurked here for a while and have been amazed at the similarities in our stories. I just ended an ema with a mm. I have tried so many times in the past. Finally, I think I am sick of it. From day one, I accepted things he said that made me feel bad, e.g.: "I cant believe that I am having an affair with a 32 yr old woman with two kids instead of an anna kornikova type" (I am black and he is white and married to a black woman); you and my wife are both like hot fudge sundaes, except you have extra toppings; you are a beautiful distraction; many ohters). My question is why on earth did I put up with this mess from a man that does not hold a candle to my husband's maturity, generosity, kindness, etc.? I had just had a baby and lost a lot of weight and liked the attention, but how could I allow that idiot into my life. I finally told him that I would not be belittled anymore to so that he could quell his own insecurities. Has anyone else suffered from this type of craziness?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:38pm
lovingone,

Hi and welcome. I have suffered greatly what you have described and more. I am now divorced because of it. That is a BIG part as to why I was open to an A. The MM I became involved with (I was married the whole time)is the exact opposite of how I was treated by my H and I soaked it up like a sponge. My spirit was torn and my soul stripped from all the verbal/emotional/psychological abuse, that when someone gave me genuine love I ran with it.

I do not condone this type of behavior but now I understand why I did what I did. I broke it off last Monday because I have finally realized that I am NOT second best nor will I ever be treated as such ever again. My MM didn't want the break but for my self-respect and sanity I needed to learn to let him go. I hope my words helped a little bit and I hope you stick around.

MidnightBlue