How about this intrusion by OMM???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
How about this intrusion by OMM???
4
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:45am
Well, I got a text message from OMM yesterday asking if he's told me how much he misses my body. What kind of crap is that????? For the first time since NC started, I got truly angry at him. I'm going about my day - I had to be in court first thing in the morning (1 1/2 hour drive each way) then back in my office to wade through and respond to a ton of paperwork, went home to make dinner for the kids, did yoga, and when I checked my phone I see this stupid, stupid message. Of course, it took me off my game - again. Some of you may remember that he called me and sent me text messages in the middle of the night on Friday/Saturday.

I can't stand the distractions from him anymore. I'm putting my marriage back together, I've sworn off all "bad" living (I've been clean and sober for 18 months now!) I'm showing up for my family, coming home after work and making dinner for the kids, doing laundry, helping with homework and trying to run my own law practice, and I can't tolerate these intrusions by OMM anymore. I've also realized since NC started how little quality time and attention I was giving my family, and now I feel extra guilty about all the time I was unavailable to them because I was with OMM. I've been making a really big effort to spend more time doing "typical mother" stuff, since I used to delegate that to my nanny so I could be with OMM.

I think it's time I broke NC to tell him that it's got to stop. He's got to stop contacting me, especially at wierd times and with inappropriate messages about sex. I know that its when he's at his absolute weakest that he's sending these messages, and its probably because he's alone, drunk and really, really wants some lovin'. Any thoughts? Or should I just keep tolerating these messages and hope he eventually gets the hint???? I'm not going to do anything until I hear from you all! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:54am
You sound very commited to not seeing him again, if I were you I would just contact him to let him know to leave you alone, completely.

Obviously he hasn't got it thru his head that is what you want. He may think he can wear you down. That comment about missing your body? that's something like my MM would say to me after I didn't hear from him for several weeks. It was all about the sex, nothing else really. Now I think I'm reaching the end of my A too. I also am trying to work more on M with H and spending family time without thinking about MM all the time.

And I don't really think about him alot anymore. So maybe I am getting there.

Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 11:13am


Well me, being one of those romantic Librans and always wanting to keep the peace... my recommendation would be to not contact him even if it is only to tell him to leave you alone. I can't recall your particular situation but it would worry me to know that he might possibly become upset by your request (if he is indeed under the influence of alcohol) and possibly act out someway. Best to not ruffle any feathers. Not saying he would intentionally hurt you but un-intentionally maybe.

Then again there is no reason you should endure the mental games. Hehehe I did say I was Libra right? The most indecisive and argumentative of both sides of every issue.

elf

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 12:06pm
is there any way you can change your cell phone number? i know this is a pain, but perhaps he will get the message that way. I fear, if you break NC and tell him this has to stop, it won't.

My plan, in 45 days--when my stupid Little League ends (the only contact i have now with xMM) is to block his emails (again--but this time forever) and change my office line with no forwarding phone number. I already screen all my calls on my cell and house phone, so i can avoid him that way. Changing my office line will have some negative impacts, but i've decided they are worth it.

Just a thought. Congrats on being clean and sober. I have taking up the bad habit of drinking too much during this time and i may need help in that area in the future. I have limited my alcohol intake to 2 glasses of wine a night for the last 3 weeks and that is working well for me.

Let me know what you decide to do. Congrats to you, also, on making the amends to your family. You sound like you are doing great.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 1:27pm
Mo, you are really doing great, and you have worked so hard to get to this point. I'd be pissed, too, to have him keep bugging you with those inappropriate intrusions (good word for it!). I really liked Clarice's suggestion of changing your cell number if you can. If that's not a possibility, do you really use the text messaging function with anyone else? You could get that turned off.

You know the xMM better than us, so only you can guess how he'd react to your bluntly asking him to stop contacting you. If you think he'd respect that, I'd do it!