old timer - guilt /pain still lingers
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old timer - guilt /pain still lingers
| Fri, 04-30-2004 - 10:28am |
Its been almost a year since then end of my affair where xom got engaged to another woman less then a month after our split. Our affiar was on/off for almost 2 1/2 years - where I was also going thru split up of my marriage( DH and I were seperated ) . I am still going thru such an ugly bitter divorce and custody battle. I did start dating someone else 6 months ago and have been completly honest with him and that is going well. BUT I ran into xom 2 weeks ago while I was with my new boyfreind. I was shaking when I saw him - he said hello. I said hello and there were constant looks across the room at eachother. WE saw eachother out at a bar that we would go to. A mutual freind told me that the marriage is off - that his fiance broke it off with him before Valentines day - seems to be a big joke to everyone. ME? I feel bad for him - I dont know why when he was sooo cruel to me. Just seeing him was tough - the memories all the pain- passion -lies everything we went thru came flashing back. Now I cant stop thinking about him and I have a boyfreind!! This isnt right! I mean I would never go back to xom - but I just find myself thinking - wondering about him. AND find myself a little disappointed that he hasnt called??? Its nuts I know. What I am discovered is that even a year later with no contact at all since June 2003 just seeing him that addiction is still there. Even though I KNOW in my mind he is the WORST person for me. Now I am not going to pusue this - I have a incredibe boyfriend whom I love and adore!! I really truly do but I needed to share these invading thoughts with women who understand.
Racychk30 - and mbfun
Hugs to all you healing out there - I understand your pain!!

I remember you from back when I posted daily!! I rarely post anymore, but I agree that the pain can still linger after such a long time. I have had nc for 7 months now but I still think of him daily and replay different things in my head from time to time. I wanted to say how sorry I am that your divorce and custody battle have been so difficult. But I am proud of you for taking the steps to lead the life you want. You are an inspiration to someone like me who is still sorting things out. Hang in there with your new boyfriend, he sounds like a keeper!! Good luck and post an update from time to time!!!
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige