Angry & feeling horrible
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Angry & feeling horrible
| Mon, 07-26-2004 - 12:18pm |
I am so angry at myself, for so many reasons. I started off good and strong, and as the months went by instead of getting stronger seems like I got weaker. After months of NC, I started talking to XMM again. I haven't seen him since Feb. 04. But, my emotions have heated up again. As long as there was NC, I was miserable, thinking about him every day. Wondering what was going on in his life. I was totally miserable. So, I decided that I could talk to him, just to see where things were going.
Well, heres where things are going, he has moved back in with his W, but he is lying to me about it. He says he was staying with his neice, and she is getting kicked out of her house, and he hasn't found an apartment yet, so his W has agreed to let him come back temporaily......that's BS!!.
I'm angry at myself for getting sucked back into this whole THING!!! I was just on the phone with him and he started talking in riddles, so I guess she had walked into the room. Now, I feel like I'm fence sitting. I need to end this totally, and hope to never hear from him again. I know it's not doing me any good. I don't understand why I do this to myself. I deserve so much more out of life.
Numbe one fence sitter
SL

First of all, please stop beating yourself up over this. We all make mistakes, and we all make errors in judgement from time to time. You were doing great with NC and had a moment of weakness, that's all.
Now that you see what a liar MM is, maybe it will give you stronger resolve to keep the NC this time. It is clear that MM isn't being honest with you, and he will continue to play these mind games as long as you let him. Your best bet is to cut off all contact, go back to NC, and don't even look back!
You are right, you DO deserve so much better. Each day it will get easier, and each day, remind yourself why this man is not nearly good enough for you.
I wish you all the best. Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing!
((hugs))
Circe