This MM is such a jerk!
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This MM is such a jerk!
| Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:59am |
well obviously being with him for 8 months was nothing. the fact that I am pregnant doesn't equate in his head either. Like I mentioned before he had told his wife HIS version of the affair at the beginning of May 2004. Well She had called me on a Monday and the first words out of her mouth were, "Mira(look) no me molestas a mi esposo( do not bother my husband), I replied, "whoo, who is this!" and she goes, "this is his wife!", I then said listen, " First of all I am not bothering your husband, second of all he has cheated on your before me with like 5 other women throughout the 17 years of marriage you two have and in fact he told me he wanted to leave you when your daughters we toddlers." She then asked me what was the name of these women he wanted to leave her for and I said ," oh I don't know some married doctor at the hospital he worked at and also a woman that took her child to see you at your home for teaching!' That women even went to your house and called you like nothing was going on between her and your husband!" well, then I wanted to tell her my side and she interrupted me by saying that, "well I am at work and I will have to speak to your parent's about this to know the truth." I replied "um...ok? They get home around 5:30p.m." she then replied, "ok I'll call back then." Now if you all heard me speak on the phone you would think I sound like a child. So perhaps she believed I was a teenager. She also asked me if I was really 3 months pregnant and I said, "yes." Then she went and said with a crack in her voice, "How could y......." and then she stopped herself. I am at least 17-20 years younger than he is. Of course he doens't look like he is his age. I was under the wrong assumption that at least he could be adult about things and he turned out to act like an 18 year old and is acting like an immature child because he is compleltely avoiding me! This must be an affair gone bad. The hard part about this is that he didn't exactly end our relationship by speaking to me. He just gave all my information to his wife, even where I lived and never really called me again. I had read on a web site that some MM have what is called an "exit affair." In this affair they spill the beans just to get out of a marriage that is not working and they don't care to fix it. He once told me this "With my wife I am a good actor, but with you I can never be." I replied ," um, gee look at what we are doing." He also said, "You are young and if we got married by the time I turn 60 something, you'd be just in your late 30s or early 40s and probably leave me for a younger guy." Well I thought to myself, hey I am young, pretty and of course I can find someone else. Heck even the women in my class at my college said to me that I am too pretty for him, which didn't make things better because it made me think well if I am pretty and young, then why would he not want be with me. Yep he told me the "if I weren't married ,I'd marry you", the "I never thought I could fall in love again", The "Is it possible to love two women?(his wife and I) at the same time," he would say. Now you all know that one got me upset. He even said to me, "you deserve so much more, it would take a man a lifetime to know all sides of you, that is a good thing cause he will never get bored." Now I look back at these "nice things" and say, "blah, blah, blah." I feel that if I weren't pregnant he would not have told his wife anything, but then again he was thinking to just open a bank account in my name and pay for the baby privately till the baby turned 18. I thought that would have been ludicrous but I am sure it has happened elsewhere. What I ponder is if I should call his wife to tell her my side of the story. I don't think it is right that she doesn't know the REAL truth. I do know that my father had called the MM's house looking for him to ask him some questions and his wife said that he no longer lived there. This was about a month ago. I don't know if I should believe this and my dad didn't believe what she said either. Also when I finally got to talk to him around July 7th he mentioned not to call his house again, although it was not I who called and it was only one phone call to look for him!. I would like him to apologize to me, if ever. I want to let his wife know the truth about everything. But I don't know if that is wise to do? She does know what my father told her which was,"Lady, your husband is a liar and a cheater and if I were you I'd kick him out, he has hurt my daughter and kept pressuring her to have an abortion, he is not a good person." His wife agreed, she even apologized to my father, " I am sorry he is that way, who knows how many other women he has treated bad." "I feel your daugher should keep the baby, it isn't the baby's fault." She then said, "What am I going to do, They will be in my life forever!" They being me, the baby, him. After all he is the father of her two teenage daughters. My father replied, "well don't worry for now, once the paternity test gets done for child support then you can worry." The one good thing is that his wife has not said a bad thing about me , at least not to me nor my family. I also have not said a bad thing about her either. I actually feel bad about all this and don't know if I should apologize, but I want to tell her the truth of how I was treated. Hey any input into this is welcomed.
Sincerely,
Ro.
P.s. many thanks to Free and Posie for replying to my earlier post:-)

Have a read of the Cakeman article linked here. www.gloryb.com/articles/cakeman.html
Thank your lucky stars you aren't his wife and have the luxury of having nothing further to do with him with the exception of financial support for your baby. His wife isn't able to walk away so easily, hon.
I know you are hurting and angry, but please remember that his wife and their children are innocent of any wrongdoing in all of this. DW will be in enormous pain right now. Just like you, her life has just fallen apart at the seams. Remember, too, that while you are hurt & angry you had a choice in the matter, you knew about her, whereas she's had no choice or knowledge until now. Since you say she has your contact details, if it were me, I'd allow her to contact you if -IF- she needs or wants to do so.
Now, re-read that link and celebrate that you won't have to worry about who was last in your bed, or whether he'll give you an STD, or keeping tabs on a man you know full well is wholly & utterly untrustworthy. His DW's position isn't nor has it ever really been something enviable.
There's nothing lacking in you, sweetie, and it's not a matter of being younger or prettier or smarter, etc. Nothing you could have said or done or refrained from saying or doing would have changed the way things have panned out. He simply hasn't grown up enough to realise what a grown up relationship is like. He's a liar and serial cheat with a nice sideline in manipulation to achieve whatever it is he wants at the expense of the feelings of people who love him. Not such a prize after all, is he?
Your baby deserves a better role model, and you are it for now. I'm glad that it sounds like you have the wonderful support of your family throughout this experience. Your baby will be loved and cherished there with you & your family.
And so will you when the right man comes along, one who treats you with love and respect, with honesty and trust.
Wishing you strength & peacem
Posie