What to do now????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
What to do now????
1
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 7:49pm
I have nowhere else to turn, so I though maybe some of you could help me...

About 3 months ago, my best male friend and I started talking about how we had feelings for each other. We've been good friends and co-workers for 7 years and this had never come up in the past. We've always shared almost everything with each other even things we didn't share with our spouses(we're both married). Anyway, at the time we decided it was a bad idea and that we should move on. After about a month of heavy flirting though, we started talking again and ended up having an affair. He has been really distant recently and I thought something was up. We had lunch today and he told me that his moral compass had kicked in and that he wanted to end it.

Well, now I am a complete wreck! I wanted to take a chance and see where this would lead because we have been such good friends, we're like soulmates it seems and I thought this may be an opportunity that I would regret that I had never taken later in life. The problem is that I wanted to see where it would go and I think he is afraid of where it might go. He said he did a cost benefit analysis and the cost was just too high. I don't see how he could even know what the benefits are at this point.

Anyway, I'd love for some advise on how to get over him... should I continue to be friends with him... how do I try to not act like anything is wrong in front of my husband??? I've spent the entire day/evening crying and he keeps asking me what's wrong. I don't want to hurt him, and I know this would just devestate him and our relationship...

PLEASE HELPPPPPPP....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 8:46pm
Barely

You may want to study the costs XMM was talking about they include things like, DIVORCE, PAIN for you for him for your husband and his wife,public humiliation and disrespect when it gets out that you are a cheater, the distruction of the worlds of your respective children if you have any, Now you tell me what benefits can you get that will out weight these costs to all these people.

I know this sounds harsh and judgmental but it is NOT it is the reality of what you want to do with this man that is another womans husband.

The FRIENDSHIP question has been asked a good many times most people that have tried it will tell you it is next to imposssible and more often then not either leads back into a affair or to bitterness and hate for the XAP, better to make a clean break of it, if possible go total no contact ASAP and make it stick, your healing begins from there.

The existing stats make it clear that the large majority of devestated betrayed husbands kick the unfaithfull wife to the curb and will not go to MC or anything else so yes kiss your relationship goodbye when he finds out if you do not make a total escape now.


Well thats my motivational speech , scary and harsh it may be but it is also true, and motivation and a bit of hand holding is what you need right now.

BEST OF LUCK

F