Would it be wise to tell him off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Would it be wise to tell him off?
2
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 11:49am
Well his actions (MM) of not calling me speak for itself, That he once said if he told his wife about us that he would never speak to me again, I asked him why/ and he just said because?. Though from other sources it was found out that he was kicked out of his house(at the end of may2004). I told his wife(in one convo) that he has cheated on her five times before being with me during their 17 years of marriage. Well anyhow, he didn't say "look it's over," to me. He just caught me by surprise by doing what he did(spilling the beans). I did mention that it was not right to keep me a secret specially since I am pregnant, but I also asked him if he could just love me and not worry about other things. Instead he told his version and made me look real bad. well I am angry and I want him to tell me to my face something! I don't know anything. I really want to tell him off. I also want to tell his wife that I think he is going out with someone else! Even though it's been only 2 months since I have seen him. All of a sudden he is now online every morning, he used to do that with me? we were together for 8 months , Then I got pregnant and he without thinking of my feelings when I was 3 months pregnant told his wife everything and just stop talking to me as if it was no big deal! I mean I ask myself , how can I love a man that is a jerk, cause that is how he is acting irresponsible and inconsiderate. I tell myself these things and try to forget, but something always triggers his memory. Well the obvious fact that I know I am carrying his baby is a big enough of a lifetime memory! but I just feel to go to his job and ask for him to at least tell him how I feel. personally I have never been the type of person to tell someone off. I have always been too nice to people and that isn't good either. I mean there has got to be some empathy bone in his body. Isn't there? So Should I tell him off, should I speak with the wife let her know how he was with me? He is just no good. I called a school acquaintance of mine, She is taking classes with him and she says he is acting the same now, all happy and even joking like he used to with all the girls in the class. Heck I do not trust this woman cause when I was with him , he said to me ' I think she likes me" and I said "oh really well tell her you are taken" Anyhow I really need to tell him something. I do not want to appear like a stalker. I feel justice is in order, I have never been to his house, nor his job nor called him constantly, nor do I e-mail him constantly. I see him online now, but I do not act to say anything cause I know he'll just ignore me. Actually I have kept my distance pretty well. The last time I spoke to him was when I finally got to speak to him after a month and it was to ask about what he plans to do in terms of child support. ALl he said was he isn't going to do a thing till the baby is born. I had hoped he would pay for a paternity test now so that once the baby is born things could go quicker than through the courts. Well that is all he said in that conversation and when I asked why he hates me, he was about to hang up, then I said please do not hang up and then I said, "I just want to know how you are doing?" THEN he hung up. I know this is foolish, but I can not make these feelings go away, I love him, I miss him, I wish I could see him again. It could be that since I am pregnant it makes me more so emotional, cause if I weren't I suppose I'd be mad hating him. well what is the best thing to do?. I know concentrate on this baby and on school and getting ahead in life and bettering myself, but geez can't there be justice! I know God will give it, but will I ever see this justice. He(MM) is living like nothing ever happened, I mean what happened to the "I can't live a day without hearing your voice" what happened to the "You know I truly love and care for you?!"

Frustrated,

RO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 9:01pm
Hi Pycno

I would like to suggest that you leave his WIFE alone that poor woman has had enough don't you think !!!

Your number one job is to protect the rights of your child first and yourself second, your a mother now the rules of life have changed for you.

I understand that being pregs your emotions are bouncing off the walls right now and you feel hurt angry lonely, but the truth is you loved a LIE A FANTASY MAN that never existed and never will, nothing he told you was true, it is unlikely he is truthfull with himself or even can be.

Accept the truth of your XMM and point your face to your future and leave that loser behind you were he belongs.

Peace

Free

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 10:15pm
Hiya Ro,

The short answer is no - It wouldn't be wise to tell him off.

Apart from the fact that it's desperate, pointless, and will only raise your already high blood pressure (from your pregnancy), the act of going to his work & broadcasting his infidelities & revealing the fact of your child will only hurt his wife and children who are completely innocent.

To be honest, making such a big fuss in public or otherwise simply inflates his ego even more! "If I wasn't such a stud, then the girls wouldn't be throwing themselves at me & begging for more!", he'll boast to the guys at work. Probably the worst dent to his enormous ego would be to ignore him outright.

Equally, simply telling him off will achieve nothing. You have to care about someone's opinion before it actually matters to you. He shows again & again how little he values you.

Use some of this anger and channel it towards making him pay in the sense of providing financially for your child. Get those search engines running and find agencies which give free legal advice, contact your version of our Child Support Agency and see if they can point you in the right direction - chances are they have an advice line. Stinging him right in the wallet is the best way to teach the deadbeat that there ARE consequences for not keeping it in his boxers!

And as for payback, honey, don't you know that Justice will be served in the form of MM missing out on your precious daughter's life? The first smile, the first time she rolls over, says Mama, her first steps, all lost forever to someone who doesn't deserve to share such special moments.

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie


Edited 7/30/2004 10:20 pm ET ET by posiepops