tempted with infedelity

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
tempted with infedelity
5
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 5:07pm
I have been married for 6 years and have 2 children w/ my husband. It seems that our relationship, which started off as "love at first sight," has been a roller coaster ride of emotions through the years. I love him dearly, but I think I fell in love w/ him for all the wrong reasons. I almost broke up with him during our engagement, but chickened out thinking it was just the typical jitters.

Anyway, I have NEVER cheated on anyone ever, but now that I have returned to work part-time I have met someone that I cannot resist and the feeling is mutual. I have never been so attracted to anyone before - EVER - we have met after work a few times and have only gone as far as kissing, but I know that this is indeed cheating.

The attraction is not only physical, but after a short-time there is an extremely emotional attachment. I know I should avoid this situation all together, but I am in too deep emotionally and cannot turn off these feelings. Leaving my husband is not an option..I don't want to hurt him..but I don't want to give this other man up. I want him more than I can put into words. My head tells me to end this before it goes any further and focus on my marriage - but I have never even felt this type of attraction for my husband - how do I walk away?¿

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:01pm
HI MB

First off you CAN resist it is a DECISION you make resist or not you choose, don't lie to yourself.

Read the posts of the women that post here and the sheer hell that being in a affair has brought into there lives, the PAIN that has been inflicted on them and the husbands and children because of selfish mistakes.

If you continue this you will find that once the hook is firmly set MM will change the rules of the game to suit him, you will become a virtual slave of his emotional manipulation, you will be at his beck and call and it will never be the other way round.

It will stay this way untel the Pain drives you out or ountel your caught.

Quit the job and got total NO CONTACT with this person ASAP, for your own sake.

Go read on the betrayed spouses board to get an idea what your doing to your husband and yourself.

Make wise decisions your future depends on them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 11:26pm

I'm not here to judge you, but I lurk on these boards to get the perspective of the "other side."

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 9:43am
I appreciate your reply. I am an intelligent woman and know what the "right" thing is to do, but I just do not know how to turn off the emotions I feel for this other man. The attraction I feel for him (physical and emotional) is stronger than anything I have felt before. I don't even feel this kind of physical attraction for my H...never have.

I have tried for several years to right the wrongs in my marriage- I have even tried to get my H to go to counseling and he refuses, even when I say that our marriage depends on it.

I guess, as I mentioned, is that I simply do not know what to do with these emotions. I dream about this other man, I fantasize about him, I want him on every level possible. He is not married and is amazing. One cannot just turn off their emotions, especially ones so strong!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 2:18pm
Hiya mbeth,

Unless there is nothing left to build on, I'd be extremely surprised if the following phrase didn't have your husband dialing marriage counsellors for you both...

"Honey? I find that I am attracted to and have strong feelings for another man."

Good luck.

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 7:14pm
Run!

Run away!

Work on things w/ Husband. And yourself. the new guy is meeting some need that you have. Identify what your "real" needs are.

Your doubts are founded in a subconsiousness that is there to protect you. Heed it.