Should I let him know...
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Should I let him know...
| Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:01pm |
My co-worker and MM just ended his affair with me last week before he went on vacation. I'm working on getting on with my life, but I'm concerned that when he gets back that all my emotions will start up all over again.
I'm thinking of emailing him to just give me some space when he gets back. He and I were very close freinds before the A and I'm hoping that one day we can be friends again, but it will definitely take time for me to get over all the hurt that I feel right now.
So 2 questions...
1. Should I email him to tell him to give me some space...
2. And if I do, should I let him know how much he really hurt me. Short and sweet, but still, letting him know how difficult this has been on me?
Thanks for your help!!!!

Why do you need to tell him to give you space? Is he emailing you as a friend?
And no, I wouldn't tell him how much it hurt. I'm sure he knows and it can't be easy on him either.
Just my 2 cents.
The reason I would want to let him know is that we are coworkers and very close friends of 7 years. My thoughts are that he is going to come back from vacation and want to act like everything is just like it was before the A where we talked everyday, many times a day about non-work things. I think that type of interaction with him willbe hard for me and will bring alot of the emotions that I'm trying to work through back and put me back on the roller coaster again. I'm really struggling with moving on and not thinking about him, as it has only been a week.
As far as letting him know how hurt I am, I guess I just want him to know how bad it is and that I want him to feel guilty for doing this to me and us, but your probably right, this can't be easy for him either...
Barely
Maybe he will 'sense' this when he comes back from vac.
If he doesn't, I would go ahead and send a simple note asking for some space.
I would not mention being 'hurt' - nobody needs to get that thrown at them.
I'm sure he knows that it's not easy for you. And again, I know it can't be easy
for him either.
Good luck.
This is where I have been at for the last 2 months. We've worked together for 15 years, the last 4 years,(until May), we were inimate. I ended it because I just didn't like myself anymore. I asked for space and he gave it to me. Don't send him an email regarding this. ASK him in person. Then...after some time goes by, you will be able to go back to the talking, but set boundaries. Tell him you wish not to discuss anything personal. Just businees stuff and maybe interesting topics like politics, books, your kids, etc. That's what XMM and I do, and it's working out just fine. He honors my wishes that I made a decision and want to stick with it. Once you can emotionally detach yourself from him, the rest of the memories begin to fade. Everyday that passed I grew stronger and stronger and now when I look at him, I am completely dumbfounded by what did I ever see in him?
True
And contrary to lori's posting, there was nothing unduly selfish in your post (though her words fall more truly perhaps with respect to her own).
Edited 8/6/2004 1:47 am ET ET by askme28
I'm sure he knows this has hurt you, but unfortunatly when you are in an A with a MM you go into knowing that you will be put in 2nd place to his M. The point I'm getting at is you need to take some ownership of the A, you let it happen as much as MM did.
It hurts when you're not the one ending it, but you can't put full blame on him. Now if you are left with questions, then I would contact him, but if you have no questions, then emailing him and letting him know what he obviously does know, is moot and nothing good will come out of it.