Can't Let Him Go!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Can't Let Him Go!!!
1
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 5:39pm
I wrote in a a month ago. I am a married woman who had an affair with a friend's boyfriend. She found out and we ended everything. He tells me that he wants to do the right thing. That he's been with her too long and that I'm not available. I DON'T want things to start up between us again --- I want to forget about him. I feel so guilty because of what I've done to her. I know she only took him back because he didn't tell her the whole truth about us. He told her it only happened a couple of times at hotel rooms when really it went on for 4 months and the majority of times was at his apartment. We haven't seen each other, but still both call each other on the phone (during the day when we are at work). I have a wonderful husband at home, but I can't forget how OM made me feel, not just physically but emotionally. He says he's still attracted to me and has feelings for me and tries to keep busy to keep his mind off of me because he wants to do the right thing. But how is he doing the right thing if he still talks to me??? I know I could just not answer his calls and not call him myself, but part of me doesn't want to forget about him and I don't want him to forget about me. I don't know what I want to come of this, because truth is I'd never leave my husband. Part of me is bitter because she doesn't know the whole truth about us, she doesn't know that he told me he loved me --- it makes me angry because I come off like I was just out to hurt her and that I seduced him. Why do I not want to let him go, I'm hanging on but for what??? Does anyone else feel this way? Please Help!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 4:35pm
I wish that I was here to give you some advice, some answers, but the fact is I am in a somewhat similar situation and reading your message lets me know that although I feel so alone - there are others out there going through the same thing.

We are the same in that we both cannot let go. I also would never leave my husband, but I can't let OM go. He's not married which makes it even more difficult, b'se I have fanatsies of leaving my H and going right to OM. I wish that I could just turn these feelings off - turn off how HE makes me feel physically and emotionally. I've tried to talk myself into being strong and avoiding the situation, but I am too overwhelmed and depression sets in so hard.

I am a rational, clear-thinking women who has been completely taken off-guard by these feelings I cannot control whatsoever. My head tells me to focus on my husband, my family and being a strong individual - so that I can pass along to you. The only question is how to do it...how to let him go...