Something that put me over the edge

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Something that put me over the edge
4
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 1:54pm
Something that put me over the edge --from my EMA into realizing my marriage was much more important: Seeing the movie "The Notebook".. now long before it came out I had expected to see it and think of my MM---somehow. I saw the movie with my husband..and the movie touched us so deeply--and when the main male character says (later in life) that "She is HOME".... I knew right then. I thought-- my husband is "Home".. that is where my heart truly is, in the deepest sense. That it was he-who I wanted to grow old with..he who I would stick by (and he me) if an illness hit us unexpectedly or slowly etc.

It all came into focus that night. Sometimes I think we are in these affairs, whether it be for sex or love--and we don't focus clearly. We may not think "Who would I run to in a scary or life changing moment?".. because sometimes our answer would be-the person we are married to, and that tells us a lot. I am just so glad I am at this place, and that I ended what potentially was a risk I took--a risk I won't take again..
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 7:28pm
I don't know if I can mark an exact moment I fell over the edge, but I remember one night, sitting with H and just appreciating life... I suddenly felt so free when I realized the enormous guilt that had been casting its shadow over me was finally gone. I knew I had made the right choice by ending the EMA and felt so light and happy.

During the R I would have those random moments where the guilt got to me and I just wanted to scream and hide and cry. Songs like Lyin' Eyes and movies like Bridges of Madison County used to make me sweat big time. Thank goodness that's over and done.

I read the Notebook... Guess I'll have to go see the movie now.

Pug

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 10:37pm
I just had my "over the edge" experience this week. The one that wakes you up to reality and makes you know how precious your marriage is, your H, and life in general. I gave my now Ex OM the news that it is truly over yesterday and I slept better last night than I have I think in three years. I feel like I have me back again. Like the spell is broken, although I see my OM (ex OM), every day and I will probably have some rough days ahead, I know this is it. He will not tempt me back in to that guilt ridden mess again. I now know that I don't need that in my life. I just don't need it. I have my marriage, my H who is a good man, and I have my life back again.

I haven't read or seen "the Notebook yet, but I definitely plan to do so.

Good luck to all. IP

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 11:47pm
I had a similar experience when I read the book The Five People You Meet In Heaven. If you didn't read the book, I won't go into a long explanation, but at the very end, the main character gets to choose the place where he was happiest on earth so that he could wait there until the 5 people who need to meet him arrive in heaven.

I read the book 2 years into my relationship with XMM. I had just told H that I wanted out of the marriage and told him that he had to leave our home. I had just told XMM that I wanted to make a new life with HIM, that my marriage was over, and I thought I truly knew what I was doing. So I'm laying in bed on a Sunday night reading this book, totally absorbed in it. You know when you're reading or watching a movie and you're so absorbed that you're not even thinking about reality??? So I'm reading this part where the main character picks his "happy" place and I instantly, knee jerk reaction, know that my "happy" place is on a long run with my H!!!!!!!!! (We've been running together for years, ran the NYC Marathon together the year before our first child was born.) So after I realize I've had this thought, wow!!!! I've got to think about why I'm making the decision to end this marriage and why I'm thinking about going forward with XMM. Long story short, I ended up reconciling with my H about 1 month later, and ending the A. I'm very certain I did the right thing, even though sometimes get difficult.

Yeah, I don't know whatever it is we're looking for when we got involved in these A's, either. I can guess that its an escape or addiction or something like that. But I do believe that most times, its not the PERSON we're in love with, it's the way they make us feel. When you have the experience that you posted about, and the one I had while reading The Five People..., you know you're in love with the PERSON, not just the way they make you feel.

Thanks for a thought-provoking post. Love, Maureen

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:00am
Maureen thanks for posting about your experience--i'd like to read that book, haven't as of yet but have seen it. Here's another thought on "Why" some of us might turn to an affair..some of us--are probably thrillseekers or sensation seekers.. things seem boring or predictable--we may turn to an affair to rev things up for ourselves..i never actually thought of it that way until I was reading a book about women who are mild A.D.D. (attention deficit Disorder) and they said that mild A.D.D. women sometimes feel better at being lovers than wives.. because when you're just the lover you don't have to organize, pay bills, make decisions regarding a household..