Hard to let go...
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Hard to let go...
| Mon, 08-09-2004 - 11:23am |
I have been involved in an affiar for a little over 2 years now. I am 30 years old, married, and I have a young son. I know that this was a mistake. I know that what I have done is wrong. Now, I don't know how to stop this. I do love this other man very much. BUT...even though I have tried to convince myself that I didn't care about my husband, I still do. I told DH about the affair, but I didn't tell him how long it had been going on. I think that would have made things so much worse. He forgave me. After ALL THAT...he forgave me! DH wants to start "putting our lives back together" and work towards building a house and having another child. That's what I want too...but I still have those feelings for the other guy. How can I just turn them off?? What makes this so much harder, is that this other man lives about 10 minutes away from us. I see him around all the time! This other man is divorced and has 2 young children. He also has an ex-wife that seems to always "pick up the pieces" in his life, she also takes care of any errands she can help him out with. She's always calling him with her relationship problems, or just calls to chit-chat with him. Which makes me think, maybe there are still feeling betweens them too. Maybe we were just using each other to fill a temporary void? I feel guilty for what I have done to both of these men. I betrayed my DH, and I used this other man for attention and affection. I love them both, and that's what makes this so hard. I feel like I let my family down too. If there is any chance on my marriage working, I think that my son deserves the chance of having a happy family with both parents. This other man says he loves me, and tells me that he has been waiting on me for over 2 years. He says that should prove to me how he feels. The way I see it, he too has had the best of both worlds. Has his ex-wife and me catering to him. That's how it feels anyway. I know in my heart that DH has never cheated on me. I know that he loves me and our son. I know that he wants this marriage to work. We have our problems, and we have a lot to still work through, but I think the payoff will be good. I just don't know how to COMPLETELY let this other man go. I don't even know how to start the conversation with him. I need some good advice. Thanks for reading my crazy rambling.
Signatures On
| Mon, 08-09-2004 - 12:18pm |
If you truly want to make things work with your husband, you HAVE to let the other man go. You just have to. Think of it in terms of your child, and how much this will affect your child, if you can make things work. One thing you need to do is make your relationship with your husband "new" again. If you need for him to start planning some "dates" together, tell him so. Tell him that will help you, and that you too will do the same. Take turns planning some dates. One on One time, with your husband is very important. Sometimes we let being "parents" get in the way of our being lovers and friends with our spouses. We can't let that happen. Make dates, remind yourself of all the reasons you married him, and all the things about him that are good and necessary for your life. Hold hands with him, make him things you know he likes for dinner etc. and have a discussion about how you BOTH want this to work, and both will do for one another--to make things feel new again. It's well worth the effort..if you're meant to be together.
