A nasty awakening
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A nasty awakening
| Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:53am |
I received a phone call two nights ago from MM now that I know how he truly feels and is I can call him XMM. He called from a payphone: I was happy to hear from him since I missed him so much and care for him so. but he began: him: my life is hell, it is f'uped(he used the whole word) i am f' up all because of you, I lost my best friend, 18 years down the drain, I now have to start again and I live with my parent's. I lost a wonderful mother-in-law that adored me and 18 brother's and sister's from my wife's side. my two daughters 16 and 17 beautiful and smart are now screwed up mentally because of my actions.( Note he contradicted himself several times) He said he was not angry at me, but at himself, yet blames me. I said that I never told his wife a thing, that he went ahead and told her, I asked him how did she get all my info( my address, number, ecetera) he said she went online and bought a background check thing. Well I feel that perhaps I am the only one to keep this baby. maybe this happened before but those women chose not to keep the baby. He has cheated on his wife 5 times prior to me. I do not know how he was with those other women. All I know is that I am the one that is getting blamed for everything and he sure said it to me. I tried to talk but he kept on rambling that whatever I say is worthless. he said that if he could kill himself he would so as not to give me anything(child support) or he would stop working if he could and live under the expressway, but because of his daughters he won't. He said I got pregnant on purpose and that I used him. i said no not true, I am a good person and I am caring. he said this isn't how you care for someone, you should have known not to answer her(wife) questions when she called you, I only told her i got a girl pregnant, but nooooo you answered her questions and gave her details, you F'ed me over. I replied that I was only answering her questions. In all honesty I thought she would forgive you(She told me she is a very religious woman) and you two would work things out . (since he has cheated on her numerous times) He said no, well she forgave me alright, then she kicked me out of the house and decided to move on herself. i was sorry that he was so full of anger towards me though he said that he wasn't, i think he was drinking cause he then started to say: I don't give a s@@% about you, you are a piece of s@@%, yeah i used you ,just to get you into bed, I made love to you,I f'd you, I f'd you up the you know where(He was explicit) and made you bleed, he was vulgar. He said that if I were the last woman on earth he woulnd't look at me. that that fetus in there he doens't give a s@@% about(when we were together, he said that he would watch me grow, and that he loved me). That I should work for disney cause I live in lala land. That I ruined everything, he can't sleep, he grinds his teeth and that if he could quit school so as not to see me he will. That I tricked him for money. I obvioulsy do not agree with anything he said but i couldn't get a word in edgewise. then some otehr guy gets on the phone and he sounded drunk with slurred speech and goes on to say that MM doesn't mean what he says he'll help you out in this pregnancy, he is just bitter with himself and angry at the world ecetera. I feel you two should get together for lunch and see what is best for the baby. Then Mm gets back on phone starts to say we are adults here now how old are you again?, i said 25 and I am 44 well you should have known what you were getting into. I then said didn't you hear what your friend just said to me? He replies, yes and I respect him and his opinion, but I do not agree with him. He spoke to me like an abusive condesending father. I said that I always cared for him and he said well if this is how you care for someone I hate to see what kind ofa mother you are going to be. I asked him if i were to get killed or die the next day would he care. he replied that he would not give a s@@#. So I then hang up. then he calls back 30 minutes later and says: "you got anything else to tell me?," I said,"what can one say to an individual full of hate. All I can say is that I care for you regardless as a person and as a human being. I will not let your evil words towards me affect me, because I know the truth of who I am. I hope you get help that one day you may have a caring bone in your body for me as a person and for this unborn daughter on the way. You can be a good person inside , but you are clouded by hate and hate has killed the person I once knew, do as you wish with what I just said," and I said goodnight. Little info here, we were together for 8 months, he said he loved me and all that stuff, I did not know he was married till after being with him for about 3 months(casual dating at that time), I never saw his wedding ring. I found out he was married when it was christmas time last year and I found it odd he couldn't spend time with me on that day and that he would be going on a trip. I chose to stay with him and I let my emotions get the best of me that was my mistake there. Anyhow I would have preferred to think he cared for me instead of knowing this hate( I've had no contact with him since may 4th, last I spoke wih him was I believe in July). I did say I would not let his evil words hurt me. Nevertheless I am hurt, not devastated, just hurt, I just did not show it to him. Of course now I feel sick. It is horrible to know that someone I loved and cared for hates me so much that if I were crossing the street he'd run me over! Oh and he was close to my home and had said angrily at the time if I wanted to step outside to speak to him, I obviously said no way. I now feel that I need to watch my back. Geez and here I was missing him and all that mushy stuff, well this sure was a wake up call. Anyone ever had such a nasty fall out? I doubt it, well I hope not.

From the sound of that phone call, I'd say that he hates himself.
Don't block his emails or phone calls, though. If he's coming after you, you want to know about it. You should keep records of his communications with you. You may need them for a restraining order.
I know you think he could not hurt you or never would. But he has already done so. Be vigilant, be careful, be well.