Driving me Crazy!
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Driving me Crazy!
| Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:19am |
I'll try to make this short but not sure how.
I've been married for 5 years, it was rocky at first and even b4 we married. I found myself getting attached to OM and we had an on again off again A. Most of it was emotional, some physical. H found out we were flirting and it stopped, 3 months later it started again, a few months later, H busted me again, a few months later, I was talking to OM, nothing physical after that. I was never able to freely give of the physical part because believe it or not I felt guilty and it stopped me a lot of times when my body said keep going. So 3 1/2 years ago, OM moved 5 states away. I don't think you could understand my relief AND disappointment. I had no way of contacting him so it was the best for that situation. No way of contacting meant no problems for me. Well that all ended when OM decides to email me at work 3 yrs after he left and 3 yrs of me not talking to him. I thought about him all the time and it hurt like he** that he was gone, like a best friend lost.
When he emailed me, I felt so alive and so giddy, and also so sick at my stomach and nervous. How could 1 person make me feel so many emotions at once?! AGGhh, anyway, something happened and my H found out I was talking to him after 1 day. I know I'm not that easy to read, I believe I had a snitch, nevertheless, he found out everything that had happened between me and OM, he knew that there was more feelings than physical and it bothered him more than just physical. So I swore off OM and convinced H not called OM's wife. Partly because I feel our problems are between us and the other is that I didn't want OM to go through what I was going through.
So it's been going on 4 months with NC with OM. My problem is, I haven't been the same since all of this happened. There is a part of me that is missing and I believe it is 5 states away. I can't get OM out of my head and even worse, out of my heart. I've tried all reasonable means of trying to get him gone but nothing seems to work. I care a lot about him, I worry about him, I miss him terribly. I don't know that I have a question, just looking for thoughts. I've thought about emailing him, I know that it wouldn't be unwanted. He feels as strongly for me but I'm terrified of the thought of H finding out and losing my family so I don't, but how long do I have to go on like this?? Enough is enough.
I've been married for 5 years, it was rocky at first and even b4 we married. I found myself getting attached to OM and we had an on again off again A. Most of it was emotional, some physical. H found out we were flirting and it stopped, 3 months later it started again, a few months later, H busted me again, a few months later, I was talking to OM, nothing physical after that. I was never able to freely give of the physical part because believe it or not I felt guilty and it stopped me a lot of times when my body said keep going. So 3 1/2 years ago, OM moved 5 states away. I don't think you could understand my relief AND disappointment. I had no way of contacting him so it was the best for that situation. No way of contacting meant no problems for me. Well that all ended when OM decides to email me at work 3 yrs after he left and 3 yrs of me not talking to him. I thought about him all the time and it hurt like he** that he was gone, like a best friend lost.
When he emailed me, I felt so alive and so giddy, and also so sick at my stomach and nervous. How could 1 person make me feel so many emotions at once?! AGGhh, anyway, something happened and my H found out I was talking to him after 1 day. I know I'm not that easy to read, I believe I had a snitch, nevertheless, he found out everything that had happened between me and OM, he knew that there was more feelings than physical and it bothered him more than just physical. So I swore off OM and convinced H not called OM's wife. Partly because I feel our problems are between us and the other is that I didn't want OM to go through what I was going through.
So it's been going on 4 months with NC with OM. My problem is, I haven't been the same since all of this happened. There is a part of me that is missing and I believe it is 5 states away. I can't get OM out of my head and even worse, out of my heart. I've tried all reasonable means of trying to get him gone but nothing seems to work. I care a lot about him, I worry about him, I miss him terribly. I don't know that I have a question, just looking for thoughts. I've thought about emailing him, I know that it wouldn't be unwanted. He feels as strongly for me but I'm terrified of the thought of H finding out and losing my family so I don't, but how long do I have to go on like this?? Enough is enough.

F