Here hopefully not for long ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Here hopefully not for long ...
2
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:41am
Hi everyone, I've looked though the site many times and felt most of the emotions that you all are going through.

Now I'm at a point where I've evaluated what the MM has been saying and comparing it to what he is actually doing and I'm really scared that I let myself believe that he truly cared for me. Now, instead of daily phonecalls, I get one after a week. He calls me a "friend" has told me that he loves me and I'm in his heart (the only one who has managed that in over 10 years) but yet has this amazing marriage and to my utter shame, a new baby. I really thought that he'd include me in his life - I was just kidding myself, right? He's asked me before to promise him that I'll always be in his life... do they all say that? I'm losing perspective... is all that I've felt and cherished just what happens during the course of an affair? I'm at the point that I just want to say "please don't call me anymore this is just a joke...", but I'm really afraid to find out that it would be easy for him to just drop me. (OMG do I sound pathetic!!!). I guess I just want to see some effort for him to be with me again.

Does anyone have any comforting words? Any input would be appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 1:42pm
Afraid these words will be a cold comfort, but your suspicions are accurate. They do all say they want to keep us in their lives, that we're in their hearts, that nobody's gotten there before, that they want to be with us. But they only call when they feel like it. Their actions belie what they say; they ACT as though we are not so important to them as they claim. We wait, in suspended animation, for them to call or email. Waiting, waiting, waiting. For someone else to make time for us so that we can be happy. We should not have to wait to be happy.

Save yourself a lot of grief, self-doubt, and degradation. Get out now. Yes, it will seem like he's ok with just dropping you. Yes, it will seem like he's content to just stay in his "amazing" marriage and fails to see what you really offered--how wonderful you would have been for him. And yes, that will hurt you. A lot. And the anguish will be acute and will feel insufferable.

But you cannot be whole and happy with him in your life ON HIS TERMS. You will always be neglected, never be prioritized. He will continue to disappoint you.

Get out; bless him and let him go.

We're here for you. You can grieve here with us. We know you are stronger than he is; you are a great and wonderful person who deserves someone who can return her love and affection in full measure. You do not deserve to be left waiting.

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:57pm
Grace,

Thank you for your kind (real) and supportive words. I look at most of the posts and take the words of the members to heart. I will continue to think about what you wrote. It seems that you know whereof you write.

In friends I meet here, I hope to nourish new strength, and give in return.

Thanks.