Getting over the sex
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| Thu, 08-19-2004 - 6:45pm |
This is my new thing. As many of us have experienced, sex in an A is the most passionate, intense sex of a lifetime (at least it was for me). I have completely accepted that the A is over, but I still think about sex with him way too often. Am I the only one?
I wonder if I will EVER be able to experience a sexual relationship that intense again, and if not, damn am I going to miss it. I mean, usually in the beginning stages of relationships the sex is exciting, new, intense, but nothing in my past can even come close to the level of excitement and passion I felt with him.
It’s like giving up chocolate for the rest of your life! I don't know...I rarely see sex discussed here. I'm wondering if this is common in the ending-an-affair-process.

Missing the sex is VERY normal. You may not see it posted much here, but it could be because some of the paople here may not have gotten to experience it as often as others, so it is more of an emotional effect that they have. Everything that they miss about their A will be more of what happened based on emotional situations. But it doesnt mean that it is any less normal to miss the great sex.
Of course it was more passionate than anything you have experienced, it is because it was also the most dangerous and risk taking sex you will ever have depending on if you get in another A. When in other typical normal relationships, you dont have to hide or hurry. You have no risk of getting caught. If you do get caught, hell its ok because it isnt an A. Try harder not to miss the sex (easy to say) and just be happy that you were able to experience it. Some people go through life and never know what it feels like to have that kind of sexual experience. And you never know, maybe in your next relationship, normal as it may be, you could try to find some of that passion inside of yourself again, and try to let it resurface a little.
Everything you are feeling is normal, and its ok. Time will make a big difference.
Best wishes
H2H
I totally agree with all that H2H said about the sex part of the A. I will also add that from my own experience of an A for three years that the first year the sex was absolutely wonderful and more passionate than I had known for years, but then I found that due to our limitations in being able to meet, (ex OM and I were both married), due to these limitations, the experiences became somewhat predictable, still exciting but predictable. Then the last few months before I ended the A, it was like it was almost routine.
I don't know how long your A lasted, but my point is that if it goes on for very long, you do lose some of the passion.
As H2H said, just be glad that we were able to experience it at all and hopefully you will find it with a partner again. I have tried hard to bring some of that excitement and passion back to my marriage and it has worked and my h is very surprised but happy. Thank goodness, he has no idea what triggered it, but it is good.
Just my own thoughts on the subject and hopefully it can help you a bit.
IP
so... yeah... with alittle too much detail I know exactly what you mean!
HOW do we get past it!?
AND NO SHE DIDNT KNOW WHERE THE IDEA CAME FROM..I HOPE I TOO CAN GET OVER THIS SOMEDAY..
T.W.
I'm having a difficult time rekindling my sex life with my DH. Sometimes its good, sometimes its not. In rebuilding our marriage I know the sex is an important element, but I'm trying not to focus too hard on it because its probably the ONLY area that isn't coming together for us, and I don't want to sabatoge (sp?) the whole relationship over sex. JMHO. Love, Mo.
These have been the most difficult months of my life; I literally wake up and go to sleep in tears knowing that I'll probably never experience that closeness an almost oneness with another human being again. Doing the right thing isn't all that easy, but my H deserves that much. I actually try not to think much about the sex anymore, it's way too painful. I'm not sure I can appreciate having experienced it knowing that I will never again. Maybe I'm more comfortable with the belief...you can't miss something you never had in the first place. I tell myself that the guilt from the A is the price I will pay for the rest of my life and possibly the guilt from the great sex is a part of that steep price. Maybe one day I can look back on this time in my life and forgive myself for the A, but right now I'm really not sure how I'll get through the rest of this year.
g
P.S. Today is the first day I didn't cry over XMM. I finally got to talk to him yesterday to find out why he MIA'd on me. He said he was sorry, and that he was feeling guilty because he had a piece of paper that said he wasn't supposed to cheat. I said thank you - finally - for being brave enough to admit part of what I kinda already suspected. And what am I supposed to do, tell him, "it's OK to cheat?". No. I wished him well. It was so nice to not cry today. Awesome day. I think I'm clearing a hurdle. But yeah, I miss the sex. H turned me down again tonite. I wonder why I bother to keep asking him? I don't like sex with him. He chews Copenhagen and smokes too. Oh well, I guess it keeps me looking like a good wife.