A Toast ......
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| Mon, 08-23-2004 - 4:11am |
I havent been here most of the weekend and just wanted to share my spirits with you.
I have still had NC with OM. None!! Yay for me! The great news is, I havent missed him one time. I am stronger than I gave myself credit for. In ONE moment of weakness, I allowed him to flood back into my life and the whole time feeling just as miserable as I felt when I was with him before. After a WHOLE YEAR of NC, I spent ONE week with OM back in my life, and it felt as though I relived that whole A. Thank God that this time around, it was only a week. I guess in the back of my mind, I wanted to believe that we still had what it took to be in a relationship. I thought I could still change him. For one week, I waited on him online AGAIN for hours. I talked to him about how I felt. I told him everything under the sun that I thought might make a difference for us. Nothing changed.
It isnt ME that cant make him happy, I have discovered. I am not sure that he can ever be completely content or happy with his life, no matter who he is with. Just thankful it isnt me.
I have had the BEST weekend with my BF, and thank the special hand that brought us together for giving me such a wonderful, amazing blessing in my life. I often think about how if I had still been with OM, that I really would have missed out on this normal, REAL man that I now have. I am discovering little by little that my OM was my way out of my own reality. My life was so unhappy, that he was my fantasy. YES, I fell IN love with him. And if asked 1 year ago, I would have dropped my life as I knew it for him. I would have ran to him as fast as I could with open arms. However, over the span of one week, OM helped me realize why it is that I am not with him. He showed me reasons that explain why I didnt leave my M for him after 4 years. I am divorced now, but it certainly wasnt for anyone but ME. I never could quite figure out why it was that I never left my H to be with OM. I wanted to, so many times, I wanted to. Something just always held me back. I never could figure out what was holding me back until now.
All in all, I am very happy tonight. I am happy that I set myself free, I am happy that I am with a wonderful man who lives with me and we dont have to hide. We hold hands in public and kiss in the store if we want to. And we can have as much sex as possible and not worry about the whole pregnancy issue. We ARE a normal couple, who are yet still young and have years of happiness to look forward to.
A toast to my EXOM : "May you live in peace as I am now free to do, May you find harmony as I have found, May you find out one day, someday, what truly loving someone means, And when you find that you are troubled in your life, I hope you get your problems sorted out because my number will be non-published, unlisted, poof.... disappeared...."
Wishing you all an afternoon and morning of sunshine!
H2H

"Wishing you all an afternoon and morning of sunshine!"
Wishing all of us
What a great message!! Congratulations on your happiness!!
ggirl
I'll make sure to fill everyone in on that when it happens!!!!
EDITED TO ADD PARTIAL SONG LYRICS THAT BROUGHT ON THE ABOVE THOUGHTS RECENTLY:
...Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful
Here we are, we're at the beginning...
Edited 8/23/2004 12:00 pm ET ET by happygal71
And Happygal,
Honey, you would absolutely love the way this feels, so just as soon as you become ready to date again... Go at it full force, dont let anything or anyone bring you down! I thought being in the A kept me in the clouds sometimes.... that A has nothing on this feeling. All my best wishes to you that you are able to date soon!!!
H2H - I love how you express words of good fortune for your exMM that's how I feel about mine - I want us both to be happy in our lives! Although alittle bit of me aches at the thought of him being happy without me - I never wish anything but good for him! It's good to see others feel that way too! :) But I think I'm the winner cause he continues on with the life he had... I get to go find the life I WANT!!!!! :)
GREAT POST!
Thank you for the kind words!!
H2H