Trying to stop the madness
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| Wed, 08-25-2004 - 12:43pm |
I have come to a point in my marriage and my career where I need to make some important life decisions and I am finding it impossible to think logically with him in my life.
I told him last week that I wanted to end it. I told him to leave me alone and give me time away from him. He said he would respect my decision (sounds like another of those pat answers they all come up with!) but then he called me a couple of days later to tell me how broken hearted he was. Now I'm getting the guilt trip from him for breaking up as well as from my own conscience for continuing! Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
It seems to me from what I've seen on this board that NC is the only way to go. I have tried to end it many times over the years but we can't stay away from each other for very long. So, either by design or accident, we've always come together again and continued this ridiculous way of life. There is a neighborhood block party coming up soon and I know I'll see him there. I'm going to try and stay away from him until then but it's going to be so hard. Not looking forward to my immediate future and sure could use some support.
Neighbor

I don't know if you want to here from me or not, you already know my views on the subject from the other board, But I will say one thing and then leave you in peace unless you choose to say high.
You have no reason to fell guilty for ending the affair, you never owed XMM anything and gave him a lot he had no right to in the first place, you owe him NOTHING NOW.
You have a right to do what you need to do to have a happy healthy long life and Xmm has no right to put himself and what he wants ahead of you in your life.
Peace
Free
Edited 2/15/2005 2:52 pm ET ET by iris304
Thanks for your input. It was your comment about the 'rumor control' from the other board that led me to this point with MM. I know that, even if we do end up growing old together, our relationship has to stop at this point, it's just too dangerous. Obviously, the last 7 yrs have been dangerous also, but circumstances are different now and I must try to make some serious life decisions without MM to cloud my judgement.
I don't know how long I can keep this up though...being 'just good friends' after being that and lovers will be very difficult. Iris seems to have conquered some of the feelings that go with the neighborly type of involvement - but it's going to be so so hard. We both love each other dearly and we have another entire social life and a different group of friends who know us as a 'couple'. That will be very hard for us to give up too.
I don't know if I can be strong enough to stay away. I know he can't - he's already contacted me a couple of times this week! As long as I don't see him, I think I can be friends with him on the phone or email, but sparks fly if we're even in the same room and I'm sure others have noticed.
I know it's only been a few days, but I'm still trying to stay away.
:-) Neighbor
I always enjoy the good debates the can we be friends idea gets going on this board, so far I have yet to see WOMAN make it work, I think for it to have any chance BOTH AP really must want it to work, if one is trying to trip the other up it's not going anywere.
I do wish you the very best luck in your effort though, sooner or later someone is going to make it work and way not you, whether it works or not maybe you need to try so that you can tell yourself that you did your best.
A good suggestion that is often given around here is to read lots of other womens posts, I think it helps illuminate how the AP can be expected to react to you decisions pretty well.
In Iris's case she seems to be managing things to some degree by having very limited contact with XMM.
I will be routing for you
Free