Trying to stay out of trouble!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Trying to stay out of trouble!
2
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 1:49am
Hi. I just ended (for the 4th time, thank goodness this will hopefully stick!) my ema. I tried to end it all these times over the last couple of months because he was drifting away and not returning calls, spending time with me, etc. - getting blown off. Every time I tried to end it I could only do so by voicemail because he wouldn't answer his d&*n phone, so I WASN'T trying to avoid talking to him. Then I'd get a call like all was OK and we should get together and it wasn't fair to end by phone (his words). Then he wouldn't be available to meet!! 2 weeks ago I ended it for the 3rd time. He of course called but wasn't available to "officially" talk, so I blew him off and tried to get over it. I had told him a week earlier that I hired a handyman to get stuff done around the house that hubby never has time to do. My handyman is cute and has a nice big monster truck. He also has children at the daycare my children attend. I just wanted a handyman, and YES, I wanted a CUTE handyman so I could make the OM jealous, and I wanted to see if I could still get some attention (I felt old and self-pitying that day). Nothing like a toolbelt on another guy to make your guy bonkers. Well, yeah, OM got a little jealous, and probably saw that cool truck at my house. Anyway, toolguy came over the last 2 Saturdays in a row. Brought his kids last Saturday. OM called a couple of times over the last couple of weeks, no meeting. I went out with toolman every nite the last 2 weeks. Text messaged OM couple of nites ago, 'cause he said he would finally meet and then *poof*, no show. I told him on the textmail I wasn't mad because I got to hang out with somebody who WANTED to spend time with me. Toolman and I and all of the kids hung at McDonald's (daycare is right down the street and a lot of the kids/parents show, so not unusual, except we shared a table). Haven't heard anything since, but I did leave a couple of voicemails after that the next day to FYI OM that nothing happened (physically) but that I wasn't sorry because OM was not there for me for a long time now.

I miss the OM so much. I like toolguy, but toolguy knows I'm still trying to get over OM. I have always kept some memento from most every past relationship to kind of remember them (I am a sentimental person). This guy has driven me absolutely NUTS. He gave me several CDs, a stuffed animal, an original poem, and I had some other non-specific stuff. For the first time in my life I deliberately tried to get rid of reminders of a relationship. We had so much fun together and the sex was the best ever. I have so many good memories from being with OM that it's so hard to keep looking forward. I don't know why OM disappeared. He just won't tell me. My guess is that I have kids and maybe he thinks I need a lot of money but I never asked for help from him or complained about money. I just wanted his companionship. He was happy to give it for the first 4 months, and then started distancing himself. I got rid of the poem and stuffed animal two weeks ago on trash day so that I couldn't change my mind even if I wanted to. I got rid of a pen a few days ago, and last nite I gave toolguy the Nickelback CD (I'm keeping the other one because it doesn't have songs that will remind me of OM) and the other pen. Told him to do what he wanted with them. I asked toolguy this afternoon what he did. He said he smashed the CD into a thousand pieces.

I told toolguy I will never have another affair. I am SOOOOO close to leaving hubby. I am in an emotionally abusive relationship and unfortunately, we own our own business so I will have to get an outside job. I am so scared because I have my two children and I don't know how I'll be able to afford taking care of them and working. Toolguy is OK (he says) with the fact I had an ema, is probably confused as to why I would cry over losing the OM vs. hubby, and is more broke than I am right now. I told toolguy I want him to trust me, and that's why I want to leave hubby before starting anything with him. He said he wants it that way too, and then he KISSES me last nite! He also said he loves me. Said it almost half a dozen times. I didn't say it back because I've only really spent time with him for a couple of weeks, but I'm his answered prayer, his angel. Yikes. I don't want to break his heart. I need time. Yeah, I need to tell him that. Apparently there's a 1 carat diamond waiting for me when I leave hubby. The ex-gf said no to marriage so he kept the ring. The ex-gf was with toolguy for over a decade.

What is OM thinking and why is toolguy OK with me saying no to another ema and then pushing the limits? I had told OM 7 months ago that I was on a 2 year plan so I could get most of the debt paid off (it is start-up business debt and it is aggressively being paid down) and to save some money. I didn't want him to inherit any problems financially, and I kept my word. I told toolguy that I had gone to see the minister at my church that morning 2 weeks ago, and the minister said to leave hubby ASAP because hubby is scary. So toolguy knows I am actively trying to get my act together to get out. I now plan to leave before the end of this year, a year earlier than my original plan -toolguy knows this and is so happy. OM knows this but I didn't tell him until after I broke up with for the last time. I'm so confused but I am so ready to be healthy again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 6:03pm
I would be carefull with this tool guy, He sounds like he may turn out to be a problem, something is not right there.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 8:35pm

Perhaps this 4th time you have come to realize that your affair will truly end when you value yourself enough to not settle for a part-time relationship and clandestine trysts with men willing to lie instead of being honorable.


I suggest your affairs will end when you no longer care if xOM has a voice mail, cell phone, smoke signal or any other means of communication with you. If it is truly O.V.E.R., then please take the step to stop wondering what the "best" way to bring closure is to the end.


Who cares? If they're married they're not available..........