Update on how i am doing.
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| Mon, 08-30-2004 - 10:05am |
You may remember me from my posts back in June/July.
I was in some state. I lost controll of everything and lost all self respect, courage and basically fell apart for a long time.
But i am very glad to report that i am doing good. Not very good, not brilliant just good and i am very happy to have come this far.
For all of you that gave me excellent advice and listened to my emotional breakdown i thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I still struggle with NC with my XMM but hope in time that he will be a past notion and memory. I have come to learn to look out for myself and not worry about what he thinks. I have very good days and very bad days but i cope. I miss him alot but have got stronger and hope to get stronger again.I work with him and see him everyday but do my best to stay clear of him
I can always go 3 weeks without contact but then give in. I ended up talking to him last week but did not feel comfortable so when he rang the next day i told him i would prefer not to be friends, that i had to put my husband first now.
So for anyone going through sheer hell at the moment - it DOES get BETTER.
Stick with it and take the controll back from them.
If they will not leave for you they are not worth it - dont settle for 2nd best.
Kind Regards,
Kerry.

You have taken some really big steps by the looks of things so give yourself a pat on the back, the day you can say your not the centre of my life anymore is the day your going to start to really heal.
Stick to your guns your doing great even if you don't see that.
Free
I have been in the detachment process i am sorry to say with over a year now. I made things much harder for myself by going back to XMM all the time. What i mean by going back to him is going back to being friends with him - i got nothing from him but gave him a friendship which made him feel better. If i was stronger all along i would be further than where i am now but that will come in time.
I am only glad that i am finally getting my life back in order.
Do not beat yourself up for breaking NC, just start again.
I have had to start countless number of times now, but if you have the strength at all to continue NC do for yourself. I hope some day that i will be able to come into work and pretend that he does not exist. Hopefully someday soon.
Keep telling yourself i want him out of my life and i have the strength to take control.
I used to do silly things like walk past his office so that he could see me.
A very wise person on this site told me to stop making myself so apparently viewable and she was right. I thaught i was making him sad by walking passed him deliberatley and ignoring him - i was only making the whole process of letting go worse for myself.
I still have some habits to give up - like looking for his car when i come into work to see if he is in work but the main thing is I KNOW that in time when i have fully healed I WILL NOT CARE if he is in work or not.
Do not give up - you will get there.
Look back at my posts in June and July - i was a mess - i tiltled it Please Help I am So Unhappy!
I would not say i am very happy now but well on the way to being free of him which will make me the happiest girl in this world. He is a selfish, mean coward who should have left well alone - my wedding was 6 weeks away when it started! I will never get that day back again and for the rest of my life i have to live with the guilt that when i was at the alter marrying my husband i was thinking of the MM. I will never forgive myself for that.
But back to yourself - keep going - dont give up - you WILL get there - and it WILL get better.
Lots of Love,
Kerry.
My strength is growing and growing i hope that someday soon he is not the centre of my life.
Kerry.
xxx
This morning I had fantasies of asking my XMM "why." Why did he get involved? Why was he willing to end it? I'm trying my hardest to stay away...not to write, not to call. But there are many circumstances in my life right now that are weighing, the health of a child, stress at work, and sometimes my willpower just breaks. (OK, tears are coming.) I really need to hang on to NC...I know that...and I just need to keep chanting the "NC mantra". And the reality is that when I do contact my XMM, I don't get anything emotionally that I need, I only get hurt.
My focus has been on rebuilding my marriage in the hope that those good feelings will replace the need for the A. Things are inching s l o w l y toward better feelings, but it's the sexual thing we can't get back. My H's touch feels so bad right now, and I can't get myself to engage. Did you have this problem, and how long did it take to work through it? Any ideas?
Hugs to you...and thank you for offering to share your strength.