From the outside looking in

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
From the outside looking in
1
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 8:05pm
I felt like I needed to post this thought.........I male friend of mine was talking one day to some other guys about a person he knew. He mentioned that this person (a female friend) was seeing a married man, (she is divored). He was telling about how the female is acting so happy in her life now since she is divorced and how she is determined to feel good again. He also went on to mention that the female's kids were upset with her cause she doesn't seem to want to spend as much time at home anymore and that the kids are being shuffled between grandparents, their father, family friends and other relatives. She is involved with a man that is very married, he is telling her everything she wants to hear, calling her pet names, taking her places, and having her at his convenience for sex. While she is eating this up, she is also destroying her family. The male friend also made mention that he can't believe her and how she could do this and has also confronted the MM. MM did not care at all.

It made me see that this female has lost respect of what used to be a friend to her and will over time i'm sure lose the respect of alot of other people because of her drastic changes of lifestyle. She will never have the time back with her kids, that she is setting to the side and she may one day either become boring, or uninteresting to this MM and he will let her go, leaving this female with a very broken heart and self esteem so low that it could be scraped off of the curb.

Listening to this male friend talk on about this it made me realize that I would much rather have respect from people and feel good about myself than be a branded and scared women from the aspects of an affair. I'm glad I'm out and on my way to healing. Friends and family are a precious gift and thinking that I maybe could have let myself destory that gift, because of an affair just makes me sick. I want others to like me for me, the old me before the affair. The happy, fun loving, caring, smart and beautiful me.

TCOM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 9:03pm
TCOM,

I have just recently ended my A and I am beginning to see how I had put family and friends in the shadows, on the back burner, to have time and to give attention to the OM. I am in the proecss of preparing some of these relationships. I am spending more time with others at work rather than EX, or when I do spend time with him, I make a point to include others. Every day, I feel a bit more like my true self, more like the real me and it feels great. It is like recovering from a n illness where each day you feel a little stronger. I can still have moments I feel weak, but my refound self respect feels so good that I don't want to lose it again.

IP