Something I Learned Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Something I Learned Today
4
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 10:49pm
My xMM is a narcissist. I don't know how many of your MMs are/were too, but I thought I'd pass on this piece of wisdom I received today from my therapist. I was discussing how it seemed like ever time I backed off a bit from xMM or began to institute NC, he would come flying back into my life full force. Now, during our A xMM never really withdrew from me, the longest time was for a week when he was on vacation w/his W & sometimes he would decrease the amount of time we'd talk/email in a given day, but I know I've read many posts here where MMs go for weeks or months w/o calling/emailing or whatever. Well, according to my therapist, getting dumped/being avoided by their MW or OW is highly painful for the narcissistic MM. Afterall, he is driven by the thrill/validation/ego boost that having sex w/a woman (usually many different women) while still married provides. He can often not comprehend the idea that the woman he so successfully wooed/bedded, etc. would ever want to leave him. He needs it to be his choice. Some MW/OW may see this as MM coming to his senses and realizing how much he's missed them, but in reality it often is simply MM needing to reestablish his control.

I think this explains a lot. So many posts I read are about how MMs come back into OW/MW's lives after the OW/MW have instituted NC or have tried to limit contact. And I think this helps explain why it often appears so "easy" for some MMs to simply end it while the OW/MW is left sad/confused/emotionally drained/hurt.

Well, I just thought I'd pass this on - I thought it was interesting & at least applied to my situation!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:51pm
thanks blue!

that makes a lot of sense and helps me to understand my situation, too.

good luck with therapy. i started mine yesterday!

:)
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
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Thu, 10-07-2004 - 7:33pm
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Sat, 10-23-2004 - 11:39pm
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