When the "bough" breaks.....
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| Sat, 12-11-2004 - 9:30am |
The following was posted by Leviguy in one of his responses and I did not want it to go unnoticed. (Hope you don't mind Levi ;) I feel it's pivotal in understanding why there is such pain and disappointment when we end our affairs, and how significant a role we actually play in causing this pain. He wrote:
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What stood out the most in this statement is the word "Fantasy" which most of you should know by now, is the crux of affairs. We are attracted to someone we hardly ever get to spend time with. The rest of our hours and days are filled with whatever and wherever our imaginations take us. We fill in all of those spaces with our hearts desires, our romantic wishes, and most sadly, our hopes.
When the affair plug is pulled, for whatever reason be it your choice or his/her's, the initial reaction is one of extreme denial. "I didn't mean it, he/she didn't mean it, etc." How could someone who claimed to love and want you so much just walk away? Well my friends, it happens everyday. Relationships end. Hearts get broken. Desires, wishes and hopes are destroyed. And over time.....we move on....but in the "real" world, we have family and friends to embrace our pain and help us to heal.
What's so different with affairs is that everything we shared with our AP was a secret. For months, days and years it festered in the dark, unable to grow in healthy soil, and therefore not only broke our hearts when it ended, but

True
We are going to miss you around.
God bless and keep you.
Free
True,
You are so very wise.
"What's so different with affairs is that everything we shared with our AP was a secret. For months, days and years it festered in the dark, unable to grow in healthy soil, and therefore not only broke our hearts when it ended, but pommeled our soul in the process. THIS is where the real pain comes from. A bleeding soul leads to a very lonely death....of self"
This describes me...death of self.
I don't often post but it seems the few times I have it has been because of something you've written. You have a wonderful way of getting to the heart of this devestation that so many of us have created for ourselves. Your words, for me, are tiny miracles that have shaken me and made me realize the self-destructive road I chose to follow (and have tried to abandon)almost a year ago. The pain is still there, but I've slowly begun to realize the cause of this pain, I brought about on my own, and I don't know that I would have been able to address my issues without your help. Thank you so very much. I almost feel now how I did when the OM left my life. I will miss your posts but I will re-visit your words often.
The best to you and much happiness and love in your "new" life.
Believing in myself,
grace
Dear True:
How true your words are. It takes a long time to get to the place to get what you have just said. I am happy to say that I do get it. You are right. And I even have HOPE now for my future without him and look forward to being the person I want to be again with my whole life open to the LIGHT and putting efforts into my *real* relationships with the people who have been there for me during this devastating year since my A ended. Allowing yourself to have such a fantasy is a crazy thing!
It is sad in a way to let the fantasy go But living in the truth is the only way to live. I am so thankful now that even when I try to hold on (just because I am so used to it) it is going away from me despite myself. The healing is happening finally (for awhile I didn't believe it ever would) I am facing the truth. I can face it now. I can accept it. I want to be a good person again.
Thank you for your posts. You will be missed. You and WomanintheWoods and MySoulisCrushed are all leaving at about the same time. It makes me want to leave soon too because then I will know that I am REALLY PUTTING IT BEHIND ME FOREVER. Thank you. I KNOW I will make it now---all the way.
Survive
"There was something very wrong in my soul to begin with in order to even "Wish" in the first place for wanting a happy ending at the expense of someone else's unhappy one."
I never thought of it that way before. I hurt my H and his W. I never felt bad for her before but I do now. She is stuck with him and I am not. It still hurts that we have NC but I know I will be OK. As for him I dont care if he gets ran over with a truck.