Weekends UGHHH!!!
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| Sat, 12-11-2004 - 7:03pm |
I hate that the boards are so slow on the weekends. My 2 best friends are gone at their Families doing Christmas's, my sister is out of town with her boyfriend so I'm here by myself, doing nothing on a Saturday night. I already went Christmas shopping, now I'm bored and what do you think I want to do? A DRIVE-BY!!!!! NOOOO..... I'm not gonna do it. This is when I miss him SOOOOO much, when all I can do is sit and think about him. How do I change my thoughts? I try so hard but can't stop it. It's still so unreal to me that this is over. I must still be in the denial phase. I don't even thinik it would've been so bad to break up if our R had turned sour or something. But it never did. We talked for hours, laughed together, pledged our love for eachother and how excited we were to be together. We were at an ultimate emotional high in our R. The best it had ever been. And then just like that, it was over. ALl that in one day!!! NOTHING WENT WRONG WITH US!!! But she found out, and it killed us! DAMN, I hate this!!!! Sorry to gripe. If only there was more going on on the boards, I would have something to do......

Pal,
Try doing what I'm doing: I got a tree today and I just opened a bottle of wine. My xMW and I were queer for CW music, but tonite I have some rock-n-roll playing--it's pretty cool...haven't heard this stuff in a long time. I'm getting ready to have at the vino, string lights around the tree, then string lights around the living room. No Christmas tree? I'll bet there's a bottle of wine you can put your hands on, a CD player near by, and a floor that needs cleaning or a cake mix in the back of the pantry. Stay busy, kid. I'll check in on you later.
--LG
Hiya Pal,
You're right, the boards are generally slow at the weekends. Me? I'm working, it's slow, paperwork is caught up, my laptop is freely available to me and I'm cheating no one of any time since I'm just on-call in case my services are needed.
Just a thought, but you got me thinking about ways to fill time that helped me come to terms with all my own stuff.
The short-term, quick-fix answer is, of course, to keep yourself busy doing something, anything except dwelling on exMM and this certainly has merit. Gawd knows I had the cleanest, most pristine flat in London there for awhile (even with a then 18mos old toddler!) but it really only delays the inevitable. Eventually you do have to consider and weigh up what's happened and examine your own part in your downfall.
You said:- <<>>
On the boards I used to post on (the group folded some time ago - hence my move to iVillage) I spent the slow weekend times lurking on the betrayed spouses boards. Yes, really.
The BS boards taught me a great deal about just how off-kilter I'd become in allowing myself to feel that normal rules didn't apply to me, rules like the Golden Rule (do unto others as you'd have done to you, etc).
The BS boards taught me why *I* had to be strong in maintaining no contact even if exOM didn't want to keep to NC.
The BS boards made it crystal clear that while I might feel pain, I'd sought it out while the BS had pain come knocking on her door without having had any choice in the matter.
From the BS boards, taught me that I could no longer be a source of or contribute to someone's elses' pain, even if that someone was a perfect stranger to me.
No, it isn't fun seeing the stark, raw pain of others, Pal. There is far more pleasant reading than the BS boards where destroyed hope, trust, love and dreams feature highly as a result of the kind of deceit I had been practising for nearly 4yrs. Others whose partner with whom I might well have just spent the better part of 4yrs in an affair - especially when I'd spent those almost 4yrs tuning OUT the fact that I'd been causing pain.
The BS boards are incredibly hard reading and often I wept openly at the pain shared & support given there. I learned a great deal about myself, things no one would want to learn about themselves, Pal, but the self-knowledge and self-awareness is the greater part of the strength and resolve in me.
Something else strikes me, Pal. Your whole thought was:- <<>>
How could his wife "kill" a relationship if her husband himself didn't want it dead?
I'm around, or at least will be popping in & out unless, of course, things hot up and I'm called out.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Edited 12/11/2004 8:12 pm ET ET by posiepops
Leviguy,
Tree has been up since Thanksgiving. I used that one already to get over another depressing day. I'm not big on wine but I think I just might fix myself a stiff mixed drink. (kids are at their dad's so they don't need me to be coherent.) Maybe we can get drunk, listen to R&R and dance together, indirectly of course. Thanks for making me feel better!!
Pal
Hi Posie,
<>
I know his W didn't kill us, but her finding out about us definately did, cuz if she never found out, I know it would still be going on. It still probably would've died. Just not quite yet, and maybe not so abruptly.
<>
Yes, I do that also!! It really has helped some, but kind of makes me feel guilty about still knowing I would take MM back if he came back for me. (without his W of course.) I know I have to accept that it's over. It's just hard, but I actually am better today than I was yesterday, and yesterday I had plenty to do. So I know this too, will pass. RIGHT????
Hiya Pal,
Think I edited/added to that last post when I was a little less distracted - took awhile in the editing since police officers are ALWAYS wanting to pass on the latest juicy station gossip lol!
<<>>
Honey, your relationship was part of the price for rebuilding their marriage. ExMM paid up quickly, willingly, and without seeming to flinch much in the doing.
<<< It still probably would've died. Just not quite yet, and maybe not so abruptly.>>>
Read the posts here, too, Pal. There really is no *good* time to end an affair. Those who end at a high point wish they'd had more time, those who end after all the good is gone most often wish they'd ended it before it became something less than what it was in its full glory.
<<>>
It takes effort, but try reading it from the viewpoint of the harm you have caused rather than how you might benefit from any wobbles in their rebuilding process.
Ask yourself, too, what is it about *you* that would lead you to even briefly consider a relationship with a married man who had no difficulty in lying to and cheating on his wife, who was happy for you to be second best, then dumped you at first best's request. What is it about *you* that led you to be able to discount his wife's feelings? What is it about *you* that led you to be able to encourage & enable a married man to cause harm to his family's security.
<<>>
Glad to hear you are doing better today. And yes, this too shall pass, Pal, but just like time, it ain't that it's passing, it's what you do with it that matters most.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Edited 12/11/2004 8:43 pm ET ET by posiepops
Pal
You can always do what I did and go to e-bay and max out your credit card, think of it as retail therapy.
It was cheaper the the IC and I got to keep a lot of stuff I had no use for, they made great Christmas gifts the following year.
Be careful with the drinking, we get drunk we do stupid things we regret in the morning, also leads to bumps and dents in the forehead.
Free
Pal,
Hey, I finished. The tree has lights and now the "kids" (they are 21 & 19, and who knows when they'll be around--but that's WAY okay by me, honest) have to decorate the tree--that's their Xmas gig.
I put lights all over/across the living room and it took about 2 hours. The prob is that I have these three "arches" that lead into the kitchen & den, so I gotta "form" the lights over the "sweep" of the arches--it's a PITA and that's why it's a wine-worthy gig every year.
It looks SO cool now, and I love the look/feel/warmth/color. Every year I have a party over Xmas and make dinner for about 12-16 folks, plus I have a raging fire in the fireplace. Everyone has a great time and every year someone says something like this: "You should have a girlfriend." I thought I did...
Go figure.
Funny how all your married friends tell you to date, but have no clue what it's all about. When they do have a "single" friend for you to meet, she is such a--what?--that it keeps you single. I tell my friends that I ain't into wanting to live a passionless life like I had when I was married.
Everyone tells me life isn't about love/passion/romance. I don't want that world then.
Musing, I guess. Whatever.
--LG
LG...
you give pretty good advice. I wasn't going to do Christmas this year but now I just might. I used to love Christmas. The last time I put up a tree was 3 yrs. ago and I felt so alone that I tore everything down on Christmas morning. Maybe I won't let that happen this year. When am I going to just be happy with and by myself? When I divorced my ex-husband, I told people that I would rather be alone than be lonely with someone. I wish I would have realized how lonely I would be in an A with a married man.