Here's My Story
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| Tue, 12-14-2004 - 1:27am |
Not sure which board to post this on so I did it on both sorry....
Where do I start? I'm sure we all feel this way when finely finding a room we can share our story with. How do you break it down so people aren't bored half way threw? I'm just going to tell it all best I can from the beginning so bare with me it's long. I'm a very large woman in my 40's and haven't dated in a long time. So I join a bbw dating site. I don't do the bar thing or clubbing thing or where ever it is singles go to meet these days. So I though this would be a good way to meet people. Well after meeting a few losers I thought maybe it's not the way to go.
There was one guy I continued writing back and forth to who only lived about 20minutes away. We set up a meeting and it was like wow!!! Ya it was all there great conversation,chemistry, common intrests. Funny thing is now when I think back I remember thinking for a split second run for you life.. Isn't it funny how that little inter voice says HEY!!! And you choose to ignore it and keep going full steam ahead. God he was so charming and sexy and we just seem to click. Yup I was smitten from the get go. His ad said divorced 3 children not living w/him grown. looking for friends , or long term, or dating. Yadda! Yadda!
We started seeing each other and well we were together for 9 mo's. I blame myself for most of it and him for the smaller part. What is it they say it takes two. Anyways in the first part of the relationship he had told me he had been divorced in sense 1996 and was Bi-polor and he was living with his brother. I thought ok I have a cousin who suffers from it and I know things happen if they don't take their meds. but I figured okay I can deal with this I mean they can live normal lives right?
Well our relationship was getting pretty hot and heavy so I thought I'm going to invite him to stay the night. It was like okay no problem.... one catch. He then told me he was under house arrest and he had to check in at 10pm every night so he would have to sneak to see me. I've never been with anyone who was in trouble so I didn't know how it worked. I told him to forget it but he was insistent on being here with me. Ya we wanted the bootie call. I thought okay I'll let him handle it. So we together it was great all night and most of the day. That was the only over nighter in the 9mo's Stupid me thought it was because of the house arrest. That supposabley ended a couple month later. And he started working nights.
I never went to his place because it was just more convenient to meet at mine. He would say his brother was there and they had an agreement they didn't bring women home. I remembered in my collage days us girls had the same agreement. Ya I know the flags were there. Anyways as time went by he would come up with reasons why he was busy on the weekends. Brothers, sisters, kids, something was always going on with him. He has 10 sibling so it could happen right? But I was like well how come I can't meet them in my mind but I never pushed the issues...Hum I think I knew but didn't want to know. You know?
Then there was the trip to Colo to have exploratory sugery on a tumor behind his eye. He didn't call me the hole time he was gone. Three weeks supposedly his sister was emailing me to say how he was doing and keep me up to date. But when I asked her for her number or the hospital I wouldn't hear back. Found out later it was really him emailing me from his house. Then I would get another note saying he wants me to tell you he misses you and will be home soon. Weeks past and I thought forget this its over somethings not right here. When he got home he would call and I would ignore him but he would leave messages. And sing songs and beg me to see him. Then I would break down. And I would listen to all the BS and I just couldn't control my passion for him. It felt like the world stood still when we were together everything was so good and right for those moments in time.
He lived in a different city so it was never an issues of having to hide around town we would go out and do things like normal couples do. so time went by. I would call he would call me back when he got around to it. sometimes days would go by. And I would say I'm sick of this its over then the phone would ring or Id get a text message. And I would give in again and again. over and over. Sometimes with a week or so passing before we would see each other again. Then it got to the point were I wouldn't hear from him every weekend.
Then he needed to go back to Colo to have the tumor removed. Again I knew nothing of tumors or how it was all going down. This time I said I wanted to know what the number was to the hospital and stuff he said his X wife and children would be there in case there were problems during the surgery. I thought what the heck am I chopped liver? But me being the kind loving person I'm I didn't want to come between him and his family IE children or just plain stupid. SO of corse I said okay I understand. I didn't but I didn't want to make him upset before this surgery.
So to get past this he goes comes back Yadda yadda...He calls me when he gets back telling me how much he missed me he so glad everything is going to be okay that he cant wait to see me but it will be a few weeks before he can drive. Then he says he is staying at his x wifes house because his children are looking after him. I was like OH YA!!!! Hum.. But I figured okay he does need someone to look after him and I couldn't, his kids were taking turns they are ages 18 to 22 and all at home.
So when he got better he came to see me right away. I was like hum no scares interesting started questioning him. He said they went in threw mouth. Ya sounds weired but I checked it out for what he had done this is common. Anyways I made a wonderful dinner candle light sexy nightie hole nine yards. He comes in hugged me like he was never going to let go. I asked him whats up when I finely pryed his hands from around me.
He said he remarried his wife when he went up to Colo. I was like what!!! He said don't get upset I did it because I was worried if something happened I wanted her an the kids to be taken care of and everything to be paid off. And then she would be able to sign to have me taking off life support if need be. I was stunned I just sat there speechless. I said do you have anything you want to say to me because it will be the last thing you get to.
He held me and said for the first time I LOVE YOU... Oh god the words don't you just hate it when they do that. I had remembered the first week we started seeing each other he said to me don't fall in love with me. And I said to him that is a selfish thing to say. But he already knew their was no future for us back then. Just another thing I choose not to hear back then. Little did I know by now I had already fallen in love with him. I told him to leave and he did. I cried myself to sleep. He texted me all night long.
Again I tried to hate him and ignore him. I couldn't I broke three days later and answered the phone. And again we were together and continued seeing each other. he told me he was staying in the other room. Ya how many of you have heard that one. I knew I have friends that went threw this junk but could I stop myself Heck no! I was in over my head and my heart and hormones were in full swing. Ya he was and may still be my drug of choice. I admit it I know it.
Anyways we set up another over nightir. Everything was wonderful. I don't know what he told her I didn't care at that point. He came spent the night half the day. he never came and left in a heated rush as the song goes. He always stayed all day. He and I worked nights so it worked out great she worked days.
I'm sitting here later that evening after he left and I get a phone call. " hi is this so and so asking for some guy I'm like NO you have the wrong number the woman on the other line says I think you know my husband. I just about died.. I said no I don't think I do. she described him and said his name and stated she was his wife then said your busted sister and hung up. Holly cow the cat was out of the bag! I thought to myself now what?... Then He called about 5 minutes later and said I'm sorry that happened and I said what the heck is going on.
It all became all to real to me at that point the wife was real the hole relationship with me was a sham I was the other woman. I had become one of them. OH MY GOD!! what the heck was I doing. Hate, discussed, shame, you name it I was feeling it. How could I not care if he was married. My husband cheated on me and I divorced him. I knew what she was feeling all the questions she must be having. Heck all the questions I was having. And still have to this day.
So a few days went by I tried not to want to see him, I tried to forget him. So we went to text messaging back and forth day in and day out. No phone calls because she found us out by cell bills and his big mouth saying he had a right to be happy and he had found someone to make him happy. Well that was enough to get her looking. And she found me on his cell over and over.
Don't know to this day if there were other women but in July his time with me got cut back allot so I think he meet someone else during that time. Ya you think about it all know. Anyways we have been together one more time and ya did the deed that day too.He showed me the rental agreement to his new place and stated they were divorcing this time and doing it right selling the house and all. I was like great now we can see each other. Right? Wrong!!..
That was back in Oct we haven't seen each other sense.I called him a couple times told him I missed him he said the same but he needed time to get his self together. I was like okay I figured a few days to get his stuff out of the house and get things straightened around. Didn't hear a word. So I texted him a few messages he texted me back. There would be the sexy little notes back and forth as we use to do.
Soon days and weeks had gone by. I would ask when he was going to come over he said he needed space. Ya you would think I would have gotten the message. But I just kept texting him even thought he stopped responding back to me. He finely called we talked like nothing was wrong.He said he had gotten my texts and thanked me for them. The call ended with out anything really being talked about. I text him a note from time to time. I Finley said do you want me to stop texting you and go away I will. He finely texted me back and said Just give me space.
So I did. I thought again I'm done with this BS no more. What and why am I doing this is stupid stuff. He is out on his own and hasn't come to see or be with me. Get a frigin clue!!!.I tried God knows I have tried not to think of him, not to cry for him, I throw everything out. Then here come the darn song and man then the tears and do you get up and turn the radio off. NO!!!!!!!!! you have to listen and cry your eyes out and say why ? why did this happen, why me? What did I do to deserve this Jerk. Why did he have to pick me? I know you all know where I'm coming from.
You go from this love hate thing. you wanna hate him but then you just love all the good times it was never bad when we were arm in arm. Oh my God see how can I say that. It was all a lie so how could it have ever been good any of it?
So I decided I would find everything I could to hate him. He was slime no lower then slime ya I hate him no good rotten. Well you get the picture. No more texts it was over I was done. Then I woke up one morning and just started the crying. How was I ever going to get really over him. When would I stop hurting.
Then I picked up that darn cell phone and texted him"( How am I going to get you out of my heart when I miss you so much") He texted me back " (I miss U 2 I just need more time). I let it go for a few days. Mornings are the hardest for me because its when we were together.
I couldn't take it any more. I broke down two days ago and called him on my house phone because that number is blocked and I knew he would answer thinking maybe it was someone else. Plus his wife wouldn't see my number on the cell bill. In case they were trying to work things out.
I had to know what was going on he answered was very nice said he was seeing two therapist for his Bi-polor and I asked him if he was working it out with his wife he said they tried but it's not working. Because of her religious beliefs. Well ya she doesn't want him screwing around on her duh!. Anyways I told him I cared and missed him. God I hate myself when I do that. Hes said he was still working things out he has a big work exam he is taking the end of this year and he has to focus on himself right now and work threw somethings.
Ya Right! I interpreted it as YO BABE!!! I need to smooth things over with my wife and when thats done we might be able to pick up form there. If I haven't found someone else cuz your to hot right now!!! Okay so my mind is conjuring up stuff now.
You know what they say go with your gut. I didn't listen the first time around. You think maybe I can this time? I just don't know anymore I feel week and worthless when it comes to my feelings for him...
Well thats the long drawen out boring mess. Oh by the way I got his wife's email address and wrote her and asked if they really are living apart and were divorcing and selling the house. And if they weren't I wanted her to know we were in contact and thats what he told me. What the heck was I thinking!!!! Haven't heard back from her or him. Yuck I cant believe I did that. It was the hateful part in me I suppose. I just want to get past it all. Why can't I move on??? I just want to forget him forever!!!!!

Wantwobee,
You've taken the first step. You're on this board. And you seem to know that this thing is poison for your life. Now all you have to do is make your actions match your words. I know it's not easy. But you just have to grab yourself by your boot strings and do it. How best can he not reach you? Well, for me, I had to get rid of the cell phone. It took some guts, but I finally did it. I broke it into pieces, so I couldn't take the decision back, and threw the pieces away in a park dumpster. I knew then that I was truly serious. Yes, we did see each other a couple of times after that, and talked on the phone a few times, but not much, and not at all now. That was three months ago. I have not regretted the decision since. My OM wasn't so dishonest as yours, but still...I knew it was wrong. And it wasn't really him that I was addicted to, it was the feelings I got from being with him...the affirmations to my attractiveness, the sex, etc. It wasn't really him.
You just have to truly make the decision and take the actions necessary to ensure that you will follow through on that decision. You can do this. This guy is a lying, manipulative user. Get rid of him. If you found him, you can surely find someone better. Maybe not the internet next time.
Good luck.