enough with the pity party
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| Wed, 12-15-2004 - 10:07am |
My question is "whats up with the pity party that is this support group?"
I've been reading threads where everyone is sharing their story and reminiscing on what they have lost and how sad they are without the affair and their OM/MM or whatever.
I keep reading the word "narcissistic" being thrown around to explain the men that have supposedly made us so sad. Take a look ladies~maybe we are the narcissists as well. Are we not LIARS? Are we not CHEATERS? Did we not behave the same as any man we may have labeled a player? Take a minute please to read some of the posts at the support group of people that have been cheated on. Think about all the deceit, the lies told to our husbands,children and friends. And it's only now when we can't have our cake and eat it too, we realize how great our husband's may actually be.
We all had a choice to have an affair.
No one forced me to talk/email/spend time alone with another man besides my husband.
No one was forced to talk/email/spend time alone with another womans husband.
We made a choice to have an affair. All choices have consequences! Do we not learn this as little children? Choose to touch the hot stove and get burned?
So instead of my past posts where i felt sad and tried to relate in any small way with some of you, i realized we don't need to all relate to each other and keep talking and trying to hold on to our selfish affairs. What we need is a long hard look in the mirror at our selfish, weak selves.
WE were too weak to end one relationship before hopping into another.
So if a long week of NC has gotten you down and to the point of tears, and you miss the spooning with your OM. What you really need to do is congratulate yourself on being such a damn good liar! We played 2 men at once! WOOOOHOOOOO
Does anyone here not have any integrity?
Stop the pity party and realize that you were so LUCKY to not have gotten caught.
You were so Lucky to not end up pregnant or with a lovely assortment of STD's.
You were so LUCKY that you didn't lose your family.
Today instead of being sad and missing my OM and my little affair, what i am sad for is that i didn't have enough balls to end my marriage to be with another man, i am sad over all the time i spent away from my son to go screw another man. I am sad that i did not have enough self respect to realize what i was doing to myself and to my family for a little attention from another man.
What i am really sad over is how so many decent people can become such good f**king LIARS.

Nuttmeg -
I think you bring up a very valid point. My T said to me yesterday, "Are you upset because you are no longer w/ xOM "the man" or are you really upset because HE ended things and didn't give you the choice?"
After allowing some time for this to sink in, I think she is right. xOM ended things with me - how could he? After all, I was the best thing that ever happened to him! How could he walk away from that??
Talk about narcissistic!!
Diva
I could'nt understand how I could be told how "selfish" I was being from mw having an A.
I was'nt grasping it. Amen sister......
kat
I never had any preconceived notion before getting into my A that is was going to have a happy ending. In fact, I had told my XOM that we both had no intention of leaving our spouse to be with each other, and therefore, a sad ending to our A will be inevitable.
I'm not having a wo-is-me attitude. I am going through exactly what I knew I would be, and am quite deserving of every ounce of pain I feel.
We don't come here for pity, we come here to get thru the rough spots and to have a source of release for all of our pent up feelings that we have no other outlet for.
Hiya Meg,
You can't see me, but I've got a big goofy grin all over my face. It's beautiful when someone "gets it." I had much the same reaction when I fully realised my own part in my downfall rather than viewing myself as a victim of some dastardly dude.
That said, we all (well, all of us that seek it) "get it" at different stages and times. Pain is a part of the process as is anger. I had to get angry at exOM before I could get good & angry at myself.
Pain and anger are positive signs we are beginning to heal and move forward rather than back.
You have found your strength, Meg. I salute you.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Thanks for this reality-check post, Meg. I tend to wallow waaay too much. I try not to post too much of that, but I certainly read it and feel it.
I feel that I went into my A. with my eyes wide open. I knew he was married, and I sure as heck knew I was married.
And, I don't like to bash my xMM. Other than getting involved in our little nightmare, he's a good man. He's an incredible father. I would have been thrilled to call him a friend. I messed that up. At least I'm wiser for it.
I've really been trying to refocus my energy on positive thoughts, refinding myself and figuring out WHY I am a liar and a cheat so it never happens again. I hated being that person, but as you said, I didn't have the balls to come clean and be honest. I chose to slink around. I obviously need to spend more time on my knees!
This is a good post. I will print it out and read it every time I feel like joining the pity party.
Good luck, Shel
Nuttmeg,
Thank you! I'm sure that your post is probably not going to be the most popular one, but I agree wholeheartedly with what it is you're saying and take no offense to it. It's hard to ignore the truth.