It feels so good to be normal again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
It feels so good to be normal again!
1
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 8:25am

Hello everyone –

I wanted to write and wish everyone a great holiday. I am hoping that I won’t be back to this board needing support for myself – but I will try to visit once in a while to see if I can help anyone.

I had a very short physical A with XMM – the emotional side lasted longer. We never slept together so maybe that is one reason why my healing was relatively short compared to others. After 5 months of not talking to him, and 4 months of barely any contact (email only) I am glad to say that I think I am finally free!

I think that he will be a part of me forever – I’ve come to terms that I am going to think of him often but it is not in that ‘addictive/obsessive’ way anymore. The withdrawal was truly the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but it was necessary. Believe everyone on the board when they say ‘NC’.

I work with XMM so I do see him occasionally. I just got to the point where I am able to talk to him. In fact, today was his last day before the holiday break and he em’d me to wish me a special xmas with my family. I asked him if I could get a hug – no mixed messages, just wishing him well and a happy new year. We hugged and talked a minute, then he scooted out. I have no lingering thoughts, no feelings, etc. It was just a nice way to say goodbye for the year.

I just want to let you know that you all have helped me so much. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I went to therapy for 6 sessions – and I think I had the timing perfect when I went. I started seeing her just after I broke the addiction (at the 3 month mark.) Anyway, she helped me to get things back on track with my husband. So far it’s been going great. I only hope that I can keep the communication open between us because that is the key. And if you set goals, you can do whatever you want! (Of course if the other party isn’t willing to try then that is a different story.)

My H never found out about my A and I know it’s best not to tell him. It’s something I have to live with; sometimes I can’t believe I did it – other times I know why I did it. I learned some big lessons about passion, addiction, and not acting on your feelings.
This whole experience definitely took a toll on my mind. I am not a highly emotional person yet I am a very sensitive one. I wish that there were more books out there that explain what happens to your mind when you become addicted. It is truly amazing how the brain works. (Maybe there are some good books – I was reading mostly the affair books and they don’t talk about it too much.)

Anyway, I’m sorry for rambling on. I just wanted to give everyone hope that you can get over this. You have to WANT to get over it. And for me, I think I’ve found that peace just in time to celebrate the holidays with my family and to look forward to a great 2005.

Happy New Year everyone!

p.s. It’s a great time for new beginnings!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 9:03am

Wow, what a post! Thank you so much for sharing your story and how far you have come. You must be so proud of your strength. It really helps to read some of your stories about moving on. I wish you so much peace and happiness in the new year.

I had just had a very brief A with my first love and we both know it is too emotional for both of us to handle, so I am now going through the withdrawel and heartache that comes with this. I am hoping my marriage will be okay.

Again, thank you for sharing. All the best to you.