To heck with him--part II--update

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
To heck with him--part II--update
9
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 10:41pm

I think one of the problems in dealing with xOM has been that the door has always been open a crack--even if I hate to admit it, I think I kept sending signals that I still had feelings for him despite my choice to stay with my husband.

So, tonight, I did what I had tried to do before and failed. I shut the door all the way. Even if it no longer matters or no longer is important to tell him, since it's over, I just had to do it for my own sake.

I told him that I would no longer be emailing him from my personal address. The rest of it was saying goodbye. This is an excerpt (I don't include everything because there was some identifying information mentioned):

"I want you to know, here and now, I am not after anything; I have let go. I assure you, though I have been on a roller-coaster of emotion (which is normal under the circumstances), and felt great embarassment at times at my actions, I am underneath it all a woman of integrity. ... Someday perhaps all this will make sense. I pray you will have your happy ending. I am learning to embrace the future and whatever surprises it holds. I have let go."

I went on to say that I would work with him while I am still here, but there would be no more private contact (he probably welcomes this...today he acted like I was some stalker he had to avoid). So with no more emails, there won't be any need for the "oops" email program Sunshine told us about. My rule of thumb from now on: I will not say anything to this man I would be ashamed to tell me husband about. I'm done. I don't have my pride back yet; only about three weeks of being an ice princess is going to rebuild that (I think it might take that long for it to sink in for him that he is being ignored).

I think I am starting to figure out how to survive this. Wish I had listened sooner.g
Newsgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 10:47pm

Congratulations sister!!!!

Good luck in your brand new life! I'm sure you will come out smelling like roses, doll, and hopefully you'll get everything you want and deserve out of life!!

{{{{{{{newsgal}}}}}}}

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 11:06pm

Thank you! Gosh, I needed that boost. I have felt so bad about myself for a long time. Affairs are like emotional murder--they kill your self esteem, they kill families and friendships, they kill faith and hope and love.

Hugs to you, Sunshine! Sisters unite (and brothers out there suffering, too)!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 11:08pm

Wow, keep up the good work and send some of that my way......

Congrats on seeing the light!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 11:11pm

Gal

You make affairs sound like a bad idea, oh ya they are aren't they. I guess sin still pays the same wages.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 11:50am

I want to say it too...
TO HECK WITH HIM..
What was I thinking??? Yes, he knew I was married, he came into my life and almost ruined everything that was most important to me.
I dont even care anymore what he is doing... who he is with.. maybe I was just holding on for nothing for so long..letting him play me, like a puppet.
If i have done without him for 2 weeks, I can manage for three, four , five, and for ever.. !!

I can, we all can....
Trish

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 1:28pm

You go, girl! I unfortunately have to keep working with him for the next couple of months, but that's all. We lived before them, we'll live after.

Aaaaahhhh! Too bad they don't come with a package label. "Warning: Can be addictive. Side effects may include headache, nausea, confusion and mood swings. Chest pain has been known to occur in some patients."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 4:49pm

<<<"Warning: Can be addictive. Side effects may include headache, nausea, confusion and mood swings. Chest pain has been known to occur in some patients.">>>

You kill me!! I needed to laugh like that today!! Thank you!!

This has been a really great thread...it has made me see how foolish I have been - chasing after this stupid, imature, little boy (yes, little boy - he's only 25...well, I'm only 28 :-)). Is that what I want? A boy? Do you know I had to *teach* him to open the door for me?? How sad is that??? The sex may have been good, but he has ALOT of growing up to do...and I just don't have the time or patience to wait around! I have a real MAN at home!

Diva

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 5:45pm

You have made a very important step. I"m very proud of you and I know that closing that door forever is so hard. You need to do this for your mental health.

HUGS

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:12am

Newsgal :-)

That made me laugh.. honestly, a good start to the morning. I put on my computer and thought of xOM, because I usually used to chat to him online a lot.. and then read your post and am BACK to To heck with him mode :-)

hugs
Trish