His xW is going to call me!
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| Mon, 12-20-2004 - 8:40pm |
Well, the irony just goes on and on. I was just reading posts and thinkig how much better I feel when he called. I didn't answer (whoo-hoo!) but then...listened to my message. He was calling to warn me that his ex-wife called him and told him she wants to call me because she feels that she needs a friend and wanted to tell him about it because we work together and make sure he wouldn't mind. He told her he would have to think about it, and she told him it sounded as though he didn't want her to and asked him why. He said he just told her that he thought it would be strange. Then he told me that I could do whatever I want (REALLY? What a concept) but that he wasn't sure what she and I wold talk about other than what a terrible person he is.
Now, I am in a peculiar position. I can either make him sweat it out, or I can let him know (via work email) that I prefer that she not call me and for him to relay the message to her (why should I have to squirm out of this? I have bourne enough pain and humiliation because of our behavior), or I can just wait and see if she calls and decide from there. I cannot tell her the real reasons I don't want to be friends with her: I think she's unstable, and I don't trust her. He had told me when they divorced that she is interested in several men we know, including my husband. She also has been violent at times and has drug and alcohol problems. I guess I can always avoid answering the phone from now on. ;-) I'm afraid she's going to figure it out and spill it to my husband. Fortunately, he thinks she's crazy, but he has expressed jealousy over xOM in the past.
I guess I'm reeling just a bit from this, but just momentarily...just more stuff trying to drag me down, but I won't let it! I'm slowly crawling back to the top, and every inch was hard won, paid for with too much anguish.
Anyone care to weigh in on this one?

Gal
I don't think you need to have a reason to refuse to be involved with this woman, the fact that she was interested in your husband is plenty if you think you need one.
Do yourself a favor and simply refuse to have anything to do with HER or HIM, there are no two people on the planet that would want to be in the middle of there mess.
Bare in mind that she may be on a fishing expedition with this I need a friend bit, Xpin head may have let something slip and she is hopeing you will slip up and conferm it so she can use it to hurt him by hurting you.
Don't e-mail him, if she calls you tell her directly that you have problems of your own that require your full attention and that will be the truth.
NO VOLINTARY CONTACT WITH EITHER OF THEM SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA.
GOOD LUCK
Free
Why am I so jealous that you have someone's sock drawer to rearrange? I feel terrible about my feelings...because you've all been so wonderful to me. I really appreciate all of the advice. I hate being the xOW...it's so much worse than just being an ex.
I don't have to hide my emotional destruction...I'm all alone. Is this making it take longer for me? I feel like I will always be the emotional wreck that I see in the mirror.
I'm having trouble even wanting to get over him because there was such a strong feeling that he was the one. I've never been this way...I cannot imagine ever being happy again. I'm pretty pissed at myself about that. I KNOW what I'm supposed to do...I cannot find the will. God.....my mother would kill me if she knew that I was being so self destructive right now.
Crissy
Your going throught the normal steps that everyone goes through, some take longer some shorter but you will get to the end of the tunel sooner or later, there is no right length of time for it to take.
Free
Thank you...as always.
This is so hard because I really need ME back NOW! I guess I have to realize that I will never be exactly the same as I was before.
Crissy
"I will never be exactly the same as I was before."
This is true, you have already been change in ways you don't yet understand, you will see them over time.
As hard to believe as it may seem in some ways you can come out of this better then you went in, more mature more in control of your emotions, understanding them better etc...
It does not have to effect your life for the worse in the long term even if it feels that way right now.
Free
Crissy ( I am a single woman too btw)
Have you ever been in a situation that ended that you thought "well i made him better for next person!"....well....now is the time to think " well this made ME BETTER for the next person". (I am always trying to find reason for the emotional pain...so there is one).
I am trying to jump to that mindset (not jump to get into another relationship just yet...holidays are a terrible time to find someone..toooo set up)...I am just trying to jump to looking forward...instead of back.
P.S to Free
omg..the narcissistic articles are blowing my mind. (i am "inferior" as it describes as i am overweight...but working on it ..been working on it before we met).
anway...I have the idea of printing them and waiting a few weeks and anonymously sending to wife and her parents (they live with them right now)....don't know if that is a good thing or not so for now i am sitting on it. I really really really dont want "revenge" ...just validation as to "why"... as i was dropped even as a friend for no reason whatsoever (no fight no incident..just asked why the contact was waining) and poof...no return call...even when asked "please..just so that i dont feel disposible during christmas...call me because I am a person"...this was not the hot hot sexual affair (just once) but it came after 2.5 months of intense sometimes fun (nonsexual many of them) conversations and calls etc...daily...and lots in common, and a "chemistry" ive never felt in my whole life. I never played games, exposed my frailty and took responsibility and even tried to give him an out if he had moved onto someone else..etc. "No no no Lizzie...nothing like that (then of course an abrupt change of subject"....then when it came to me asking wtf then...poof....cruel nothingingness. Those articles described that........still blown away and fearing i will never trust anyone again.
I didnt meant to bleed one thread into another...I started writing one on that thread and it "blew up" and disappeared. Thanks for the info and understanding.
Lizzie
Jazzdiva
Oh, I am. Their marriage was a nightmare, completely surreal. I don't want to end up like that! I think if I inadvertently get her call, I'll just say, "No hablo ingles," and hang up.
Chrissy: Don't be jealous of the sock drawer. Embrace the fact that you have possibilities in front of you! He wasn't "the one." You'll find someone who's free to love you, and now you know what you expect in a relationship. Closeness, love, honesty, friendship. Oh, yeah, and no wife. Don't settle for less!
Jazzdiva