light at the end of the tunnel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
light at the end of the tunnel?
4
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 5:20pm
Just when you think you are really progressing in your emotions and clarity on your A there is always a roadblock. I haven't had any contact with OM for about a month and i haven't actually been with him in 2 months. I have really been happy to have this board to read and help me break my addiction to him. Today however i am having a rough one. I ran into the guy that outed me to everyone at my old company this afternoon. I swear i have never had so many mixed up emotions at once. I swear i was shaking so much, my legs were wobbling and i thought i might fall over. I tried to make idle chit chat and be sweet to him but damn it, he didn't have to tell everyone in great graphic detail about my A. I know he felt really badly about what he did and he said "you probably hate me don't you?" I wasn't going to say no. I had so much planned in my head that i wanted to say to him, "why did you have to tell all the details?", "do you know how much hurt you have brought upon me?" yada yada yada. But i just kind of let him apologize, he kept saying how bad he felt and didn't know why he did it. I said "everyone makes mistakes, lord knows they do!" I've been shaking all afternoon. I've held so much anger in towards him for outing me the way he did, but you know what i just realized? If he had never actually told, I would have gone right along holding high esteem for my OM. Knowing in my heart that he was a dumbfu*&, player, liar, etc. etc. but being so addicted to the attention of the A that i couldn't see it. I really thought he had kept our A secret,and maybe really did care about me somewhere down deep. (yes, i try to give even the worst of them the benefit of the doubt) It was only after C let it out of the bag to my co-workers that I knew OM was bragging about it. And then I started finding out he had told other people too. What an as*hole!
So now I SEE the light that there must be positives in everything no matter how bad it seems at times. If he hadn't told, i would have never known and wouldn't be here now on the path of recovery and self-redemption that will truly set me free. Thank you to anyone that took the time to read this somewhat pg-13 post (yes i have a potty mouth)
And I feel better after typing my way through this.
~nuttmeg
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 11:00pm

<<>>

You just described my week :-)

Not much else I can say except that I am proud of you for making progress!! It's always an inspiration to see others get there!

Luv ya!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 11:38am

Nuttmeg,


First I'd like to extend to you a great big cyber hug. You have come a long way in the last month, and that took guts, girl. Secondly, you were double betrayed; first by XOM's crossing the line, and then by the idiot's mouth. That had to hurt something terrible and I am very sorry you had to go through this. No one ever found out about my 5 year affair, and if coworkers had discovered it, I would have left my job out of pure humiliation. It's amazing what we put ourselves through for these men and I still struggle with why I ever allowed anyone to use me like that. I have forgiven us both, but sometimes I still find myself shaking my head in total bewilderment ......


Don't let what happened yesterday set you back. You are making great strides. The first few months are the hardest, but it's down hill from there. I promise.


Stay strong and Merry Xmas,


Id


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 11:58am
Id and Diva,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I do feel like I have come a long way and this board has helped me so much. I had kept my A to myself for over a year (until it all became public)and I know now that i have alot of rebuilding to do on my relationship with my H (he does not know-thank god) as well as my own unresolved issues within myself. I feel like i've met the strongest bunch of women on the planet in this board group and it's cool that we can actually find our inner strength and get thru such b.s. together.
Hope you both stay strong and have a Happy and safe Holiday.
Cheers to a great 2005!
~Meg
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 12:29pm

Meg,

The good news is that you're going through the normal emotional cycles. The bad news is that you're going though emotional cycles! At least you can start to recognize the light at the end of the tunnel.

I too was outed at work. Not by my xMM, but by our careless use of company e-mail. We discussed -- in vivid detail -- things that we did, wanted to do or dreamt of doing. He is a member of the company's IT group and knew they had a tendency to monitor. Something we wrote triggered it, and they found a gold mine.

I lost my job, he didn't. In some ways, I still think I was the lucky one. He still works there and has to see people who KNOW without a doubt that he cheated. I, amazingly, got out without my H. finding out. I still don't know why I was that lucky.

I found a new job, started fresh, no one here is the wiser.

Sometimes there is a positive that comes from all the negative. It's a good day when you can start to see that positive.

Good luck with your recovery. Shel