I screwed up
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I screwed up
| Thu, 12-23-2004 - 2:20pm |
I lost it. Started crying this afternoon. Called and very calmly left a voicemail saying "Just wanted to wish you a happy Christmas, and thats it. bye".
I am such an idiot and so unworthy of the rewards of NC. Oh well, he still can't call me back because my number is blocked out...AND I'm back to my original attitude which means I won't be contacting him again.
Everyone please take a turn at kicking me in my fat butt.

Nope, can't kick you! LOL Done that WAY too many times myself! LOL
Seriously, you'll be ok. One of these days you won't feel like doing that anymore. Until then, you may slip up now and then. And that's ok. We're in enough pain when it ends. We don't need to beat ourselves up for slipping.
SCU2004
Its mysouliscrushed but I changed my name to reflect my situation now. I will not kick you but will tell you that you will get to the point where break downs just don't exist anylonger. It may seem like they will never come but they will. I better get the NC stick out of retirement and give it to you a few time...Just kidding.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a even stronger better New Year.
Healed
Hey, it's not worse than what I did last week. I ran into him as I was taking my lunch break. He kept looking at me deep in the eyes, told me how beautiful I was and how much he's missed me (I even heard him mumble to himself "I screwed up"). So what was it that I did so bad? I asked if he was free for lunch. I know, I know...I'm bad.
But you know what, when I was sitting across the table from him, I wasn't thinking how badly I missed him..I was thinking of all the stuff he did that broke my heart. We had a quick peck and a long hug..and I thought it was going to make me regress, but it didn't. Because I'm certain that we can never make it work, and I'm ok with that. (but a little secret..man was I horny for him!) But other than a little passing fantasy in my head about earth shattering sex, I'm not feeling like I'm missing him, and there's been no other contact since, so I guess no harm done.
It's ok to slip, just don't go back to where you were.
Undone,
We all make mistakes. We all falter - we're human.
Pick yourself, dust yourself off, give yourself a great big hug - and start NC.
Luv,
Diva
Jazzdiva