How to tell DH about one-night stand
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How to tell DH about one-night stand
| Tue, 12-28-2004 - 1:41pm |
I had a one-night stand about 2 months ago (too much alcohol and catching up with also married ex). I feel so guilty about it and i know in order for me to feel better and our marriage to be stronger that I need to be honest with DH. Has anyone told their spouse the truth? If so, how did you do it? I know he'll be upset when i tell him.
P.S. I also might be pregnant (by DH). I find out in 2 weeks.

You're in a tough spot, to be sure. Normally I counsel against telling the spouse about momentary lapses in judgement. I continue to do so in your case.
Unloading your guilt on your husband about a one night stand from two months ago I believe merely shifts the pain from you to him. AS you pointed out in your post, you were over-served and not thinking clearly. I suggest you leave the error in the past, not repeat it and remain true going forward. Your husband may forgive you, however, I doubt he will ever forget the error and could bring it up again and again in future disagreements with you. So why open up your entire future for one night's mistake?
Since you're sure the new baby is your husband's, I suggest you focus on the baby and hubby. Life is going to change forever in a major way ( I have 4 kids myself) and you'll need hubby's undivided attention, not his second-guessing your love or dedication.
For unloading in person, I suggest a counselor. You've got several items on the plate to talk over besides the one night stand (all the changes due to impending motherhood), so clearing the deck early should be helpful to you. ANd the counselor's office is a neutral zone to bring all sides of the one nighter to the table, including the unfinished business you had with the exBF.
JMHO,
cl-nre
Hi Sassy
I hate telling you to keep this one to yourself but there might be a baby involved now and you made a mistake. You were not thinking clearly and you had one to many. Leave it at that. The baby and hubby should be your main focus. Dont cause your hubby or baby any unnessasary pain. Seek help to rid the guilt through therapy or this board if possible. I agree with CL.
Good Luck......
Ladybug
Sassy,
I don't know your husband, maybe he can handle it, but chances are telling him will GREATLY damage your marriage. If it was only a one-night stand, why hurt him in this way? My advice to you is to keep this where it belongs...in the past. Unless he's a very emotionally mature, even tempered, level headed man, it's going to do absolutely no good whatsoever, and will probably do a lot of harm. Believe me, I know.
Add my vote to all the others: Don't tell your husband. It won't do you, your DH, your baby, or your marriage any good. And it WON'T make you feel better.
Sassy
I have to agree with the others, IF you are determined to tell him do so in the office of a good MC cause your going to need some help afterwards.
I could be you were pregs at the time and your hormones had started to rage and contributed to this mess that plus the drinking.
Maybe you need to cease drinking if for no other reasons then the babies healthy and your self control.
Free