Fighting with H and wanting to call xOM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fighting with H and wanting to call xOM
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Wed, 12-29-2004 - 10:48pm

So I had an arguement w/ H tonight. Man did he tick me off! He does this sh*t to me all the time and it just makes me SO mad!!

Our friends cancelled New Years Eve plans with us at the last minute, so now we are scrambling to make other plans - well, actually, I (capitalized, bold) am scrambling to make other plans! And it's not just that I feel like I am the one trying to make all the plans - I know he is busy at work this time of year, but when I spoke w/ him about it and asked for his suggestions, he suggests stuff that he KNOWS I don't want to do! He said, "Well, maybe we can go to one of the block parties downtown or to a club or something". How long have you known me??? 4 years?? How many times do I have to tell you that I HATE going to block parties and clubs because of all the drunk drivers on the road and random gun fire and other crap that happens during NYE??? UGH!!!

Ok - so my point to all this crap is that as soon as I hung up the phone w/H, I wanted to call xOM. I didn't, but I wanted too. When does that stop? When does the immidiate thoughts of xOM stop when stuff like this happens?

Diva




Edited 12/30/2004 1:02 am ET ET by actressdiva

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:09pm

<>>

Ok Diva, I'm glad you said this because I need an explanation of what's going through your head when you feel this way. I only ask because just yesterday, xMM tried to explain to me that when things are going ok at home (trying to work things out)that he is content and thinks he can probably handle staying there. But when she starts in on him with the questions, or just nags and pisses him off, he says he wants more than anything to run to me. I think he meant it as a compliment, but to me, it sure didn't feel like one. I told him that him thinking that way made me feel like I'm just a scapegoat. That when he's getting his way at home he just dismisses me. He tried to rephrase what he meant but it was too late after he said it!! He had already hurt me. So my question to you is WHY do you feel the need to run to MM when the going gets tough at home? Is it just to get away from it? Or is it because you need the comfort from him, or you just miss him or what?

His statement to me was quite hurtful, maybe I can analyze it better if I see it through YOUR eyes!! Thanks Diva!!

Pal

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:20pm

Pal,

Hmmmmm...interesting that you felt it was a negative. That's why I love this site - so many different people and experiences, so many thoughts and emotions to share.

Your question is a good one and I need to think about it a bit. My first thought is that I guess I wanted to call xOM because my thoughts automatically went to the good times I had with him. The comfort I felt with him. xOM always remembered everything I said to him (down to the shade of my lipstick) whereas I have to tell H things like a gabillion times before he hears me!

xOM was my escape, my getaway, my alernate life where I was the center of attention, the most beautiful woman in the world & the most important person in the universe. I was special and I was loved. When we were together, NOTHING else mattered - not family, friends, work, or anything.

Does that make any sense??

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:38pm

That's just it. There wasn't anything else. Nothing else that was normal. Nothing else that was real. There were not fights about money, inlaws, kids, careers, where to live, how to decorate the living room, where to go for New Year's Eve -- there was nothing in the A that was real. Nothing else mattered -- because there wasn't anything else, nothing that was real. (And, btw, I said this, to my XMM, within the first two months of my A -- I knew it -- I just couldn't stay away from him.)

And I find it very interesting that you talk about how XMM felt about you. How did you feel about him? What made him so special? Just that he thought you were so special?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:44pm

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:45pm

Bella,

Yep - you're right. There was nothing to fight about because we DIDN'T have a normal relationship.

<<>>

How true, how true!!

<<>>

Again, yeah...the more I think about it, the more I realize that I was so hooked on him because he was so hooked on me! I was the first girl he ever said I love you to, and the first girl he ever imagined marrying...didn't that make me special (sarcasm)!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:48pm

UHG -

I missed you too, Poodle!!

Yeah, I leaned on xOM for everything. He was the one I went to when something good, bad or indifferent happened...not my H. It was really hard not to call him tonight, and that sucked. But I did it - I didn't call him!

I just wonder when those feelings will finally go away!!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:51pm

Thanks Diva! Yes that makes sense and I guess it makes me feel better to know that maybe he really DIDN'T mean it in a bad way, I just seem to take everything he says anymore and turn it into a negative! Anyway, you never said you wanted to end things with H and start over for real with mm so I guess that's also not going through my xMM's head either no matter how bad he wants to run to me. Which means I guess it doesn't really matter because it's still over!! Thanks for your input!!

Pal

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 12:04am

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 12:44am

Diva

It ends when you decide to stop running away from your real life deep in your heart.

"I was the first girl he ever said I love you to, and the first girl he ever imagined marrying...!"

Have you ever questioned the truth of these statments, maybe you need to, you almost chant them like a mantra everytime you speak of XMM, are you holding on to a fantasy that is trying to rob you of your real life.

Food for thought.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 1:01am

Free,

Unfortunatley, I know these statements were true. But you're right - true or not, I need to let go of it!

Diva

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