The ending to my 31st.
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| Sat, 01-01-2005 - 7:32pm |
Hello Everyone, I have not posted about myself in a while, only because I HAD been doing so well. I have been lurking and consoling others and now I feel I need your strengths again.
Yesterday I was at the supermarket getting my groceries in the supermarket near an area he works in and near my sisters home who I had just been to. Went to the deli toorder a sandwich for lunch and while I was waiting for them to attend me, someone stood behind me and said Hello beautiful. I recognized the voice immediately and my heart started pounding I got so nervous. What are the odds that I would run in to him on the last day of the year, I have been to that supermarket so many times and never ever have I ran into him. It has been such a long time since I had spoken to him or seen him. When I turned around he kissed my cheek and hugged me, I teared up and he realized it , said he was sorry. For those who dont know my story we broke things off unwillingly. We did not want to but for both our sakes it needed to be done. Our affair lasted 3.5 years, I think that it still would be ongoing if we would not of paniked and broke things off. He was always the perfect person with me and he felt very much the same with me.
I cant begin to describe all the feelings I was feeling for him. I realized I still love him. He asked me yesterday when he walked me to my car, yes he actually finished grocery shopping with me and we spoke for a while. He asked me if we could try to work things out again, that he had been missing me and wanted me back in his life again. I thought I would die, I was speechless and I just did not respond to him. I just wished him a happy new year and kissed him on the cheek got in my car and left. He immediately called my cell phone but I did not answer it.
I want to call him so bad and tell him Yes. I am so confused and I cryed my heart out yesterday. Last nite when I was with Hubby and family I felt an enourmous amount of guilt.
Someone please explain why these things hurt so much. I thought I was passed this. How could the last day of the year have turned out to be one of my worst when I was so looking forward to a perfect day with just family and friends. I feel like the worst person on earth right now. I think what has really devastated me the most is to know he still wants me, all this time I was so sure he had forgotten me. PLEASE HELP ME ....

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Lady
You have escaped the muck and lies and sneaking around and all the trash that comes from being a cheater DON'T GO BACK, affairs are like time bombs if you handle them long enough sooner or later they go of and devistate you and everyone around you.
Block his number from calling your cell phone again, then be about the job of building a real life based on honor and integrity, NO MORE LIEING NO MORE DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS.
Free
I read your post and was about to say the same thing as Sanguine. Don't look back. See this as a ending - both to the Year and the A.
Best wishes for the New Year
MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS((((LADYBUG))))
<>>
I haven't posted here in a while thinking I was past all of this stuff and
Thank You, That was the reason I did not take his phone call. I can admit that I am still going through the emotional healing. But the weight off my shoulders has been big and thats why I just walked away without answering his question. Maybe I should have taken the oppurtunity to tell him how completely unfair that was but I just froze I was so in disbelief when he asked. Trust me I do plan on staying away. I guess there is a part in all of us that sometimes just wants to give in. I will chalk this to temporary insanity. You will be happy to know that I have given alot of thought and I will not be calling, I like my life the way it is now and I want it to stay that way. No denying how much I miss him to but I wont go there again....
Thank You for your honesty
Hi True
Thank You. Yes you are right I am still going through the emotional healing. I am not completely over him. I do have to admit that after alot of thought I like my lIfe NOW, ever since the affair ended I did feel the weights lift off the shoulders and I dont want them back. I am not going back to him again I have battled a long and painful road and I can see from my reaction of seeing him Friday I still have battles of the heart to keep fighting with. I appreciate your sincerity .
Thank You So much....
Ladybug
{{{{{{{{Lady Bug}}}}}}}}}
I agree wholeheartedly with everyone else and am so happy that you are so strong -- but your post made ME cry! :-) I remember. I remember. I remember. And I went through two years of back and forth. It isn't worth it. Something inside you starts to die. I lost some (some?) respect for him, and I lost some respect for myself. Someday this will just be a memory. And you'll be a better person for the affair AND for having ended it.
PS: If you're not seeing a therapist -- find one. A good one. Fast. If you don't belong to a church/mosque/temple/synogogue, call one anyway and ask for a referral to a therapist.
Hi Bella,
I started to go back to church months ago and thats what made me strong and thats what has kept me away from him. When my affair started I stopped going because I felt ashamed. Seeing him Friday was a shock and just made me realize how much I still feel for him and I wont go back because I also do not want the sufferring to start allover again. At first when the affair ended I felt an enourmous amount of pain of loosing him but as time has gone by I also realized everything I have been gaining. Dignity, respect for myself, and my moral. He is the only other man I had ever been with besides my husband, And I plan to keep things this way. No denying I miss him but I dont miss the mess of emotions that go along with it. I thought very hard and fought hard to call him back but thank god I realized what a mistake I would have been making thats why I turned to this board again. I do beleive that someday this will be a memory and I cant wait for that day to come. For now my New Years Resolution is to get passed this and get on with my life as normal as it can possibly be.
Thank You for your support...
Ladybug
hi ladybug, its nice to hear from you again. i have not posted either. i noticed many are new now and dont know my story.
you should be proud of yourself for being so strong. i know you had moved on and things with hubby were going well too. dont look back...go forward and start the new year on the right track
i still have not been able to move forward. i still feel for om and would give anything for him to call me.
things with h are there. i have stayed for the kids. i hope one day when i get over the om that i will be happy again. that is what i really want...to be happy again.
funny my life should be perfect i have it all. yet i am not happy. i cant seem to find the love i had for my h. i feel sooo hurt from this relationship and i have not been able to move forward. it hurts me to see how he has just moved on and forgotten about me.
om and i emailed each other before christmas. i begged him to keep our friendship alive atleast with emails and he said no that he wanted a fresh start with his new wife. i know its whats right but it hurts soooo much.
it was nice hearing from you...
upsidedown
Ladybug,
Hold on there, why are you beating yourself up? You were a rock! You were ambushed, totally out of the blue - upset enough to cry in the supermarket. Right in front of you was someone who could make you feel better (making him a shameful opportunist, by the way), but you held strong.
Wow, I'm impressed.
You got through something extremely, extremely difficult, and you were true to yourself.
Remember that. Stay strong. You know what you want, now go out and get it.
1T
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