Ending it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Ending it...
5
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 8:30am

Hi everyone.

I'm new to this board. I've lurked here and even tried to post once when I was very upset (some glich! my post never showed up...)

Anyway, after some soul searching, I've came to the conclusion that I'm going to be ending my EMA with OM. I am the married one, my OM is single (sort of). He lives with a lady roommate, they are supposidly "just friends" but I think there's more to it. He recently said she hinted around that she would be receptive to a relationship with him... Now this may sound crazy, but I would be happy for him if he were to end up with her. She is a super nice person, has helped him out--kinda went above and beyond actually!, made sacrifices for him, and is just a lovely person all around!

Also, nuts as this may sound, my H and I have been getting along VERY well here recently. We've made some changes in our relationship and the results have been astounding. I came to some realizations too...

I'm supposed to see OM this Friday. At a hotel. I'm going to cancel (I'll let him know Monday or Tuesday). Then I'll see him for lunch or drinks after work and talk to him sometime next week.

I'm hoping we can remain friends, maybe even keep in (platonic!!!) touch. I know there needs to be a NC cooling off period though...

I feel better now.
Cherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: cherry_2000
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 4:32pm

Cherry

Welcome to the board.

I know that XOM was a friend for years before you crossed the line and you want to give him consideration when you end the affair but I would like to suggest the following.

1)don't do it over drinks or anywere to private were he can attempt to change your mind, keep it brief and to the point, no mush mush stuff, you do not need to explain yourself just the fact that you are ending the affair and that you need a period of TOTAL NO CONTACT and that you insist that he honor your wishs, susgested 6 months at least if not more.
This would be much easier done in a brief letter were you can lay out your thoughts with out emotions getting in the way.

2)Focus on your marriage and husband even more keep making improvments in your marriage.

3)Post here often and read lots of other peoples post, go down to the next section and read some of the articules you will find there.

Stay strong.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
In reply to: cherry_2000
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 8:18pm

I agree with Free. And especially about coming here everyday. It's a real boost, and we women are a great support group. I read everybody's wise words and good advice, and then get more help when I try to help another woman.

Welcome, Happy New Year, and congratulations on your marriage!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: cherry_2000
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 5:06am

Congrats on your decision and recognising the worth of your M and doing what needs to be done.


My only thought would be to perhaps reconsider your desire to remain friends after a period of NC . Only you can judge what will work for you but, hard as it will be, I would want to sever all connections with the A.

MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: cherry_2000
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 1:06pm

Thanks! Great advice!

I agree with you about the NC for about 6 months. After that timespan, I E-mails would be fine, but I don't think I would actually see him for a platonic lunch date for a year!

I realize this goes against the norm, but I treasure the friendship. We were stupid to muck it up with all the romantic crap.


Cherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: cherry_2000
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 1:27pm
Oh yeah, do you think a letter via E-mail would be fine? I do...Especially since it is through hotmail accounts!