Day 13 NC and soo emptyyyy:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Day 13 NC and soo emptyyyy:(
3
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 12:37am
Here I am at day 13 NC! I am so much shaking these days .... lots of arguments and stress with my H that make me miss my xap alot ... yesterday i was at the edge of sending him an email but I stopped at the last minute ..
I havent blocked his mail as you asked me here - I just couldn't! he sent me 5 mails last week; asking me to have any kind contact even if so small---- I guess he got it that I wont reply so the last one was; "I never meant to hurt you .. and please dont hate me!" and all stopped since then! and I felt bad - I think I was enjoying receiving mails from him ..to know that he is still thinking of me! I was also enjoying not replying back ; kind of revenge ; because so often lately he was not replying ; !!!
I feel soooo weak today ... so afraid to break NC; though I am so worried that if I send him; he may not reply back!!!! I guess that's what is keeping me beside I really dont want to go back in this relation ... it was so tiring at the end! I was almost begging him to care.. to tell me any loving words.. to reply to my mails ...etc etc!!! yet I am SO UNHAPPY ... and life seems so empty and so tasteless ... its me who wish to have him as a friend now! I dont want any physical relation but I wanna talk with him! :(
I know I sound soooo weak today ... thats why I am writing here ... I need a push ... I need some strength ... and I need any comfort !
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 9:48am

Amy,


I hope I'm not too late responding to your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 10:06am

Stop telling yourself that you are so weak. You are and become the words that you speak to yourself. If you tell yourself you are weak, guess what, your body and mind reacts and you become weak. You are using your XAP as an escape. It's not that your XAP was so great as you know, you are using him as a crutch. Couples get in arguments, couples fight but to run to someone else because you had a fight is not the answer. The person you run to looks good on the outside but I guarantee you that if you spent time with him he is JAM.


Find out what inside of you makes you run away from your RL and want to escape to something or someone that is not real. It's not about your XAP it's about what is inside of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 10:38am

Amy,


Hang in there, honey. Think of these words:


"Whether you can or whether you can't, you are probably right."


Be sad but don't cave in to the temptation. You have the power.


((((hugs))))


~Alwayst