Thank you Iddy. Even though you are only a "virtual" friend, it means a lot to me to have somebody recognize my efforts. You ladies are now the only people I have that I can confide in. I don't really know your story Iddy. Were you married at the time of your A? Are you dating now? Remarried? How did the A effect your attitude toward men?
That is a great step! I did the same thing few weeks ago- deleted him from my IM, facebook, gchat, everything. Before, I felt like I needed to know when he was online... but then I realized that was leaving a crack in the door and I slammed it shut.
I never did actually cancel my "secret" email address. I lied to my xAP to obtain NC. Unfortunately he was always available and ready to pick things back up, and it was very hard for me to resist the temptation because I knew he was just waiting. Instead of canceling or blocking, I had a dear friend "take over" my email account. I even had her change the security questions so that even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to change the password or reactivate the account. So I definitely applaud you for having the strength and courage to do it on your own.
Xap and I had a "secret" phone that he gave me, so I carried two phones...scary and stressful stuff! My phones were identical except for the wall paperpaper on the front (one was blue and the other RED). When I went NC I told him to close the account as I wouldn't be using it. I didn't know what to do with the phone, so I killed it by smashing it with a hammer in the patio and putting a few pieces in different baggies (like someone was going to be able to put it together..lol) and tossed them in various trash cans over a period of a week. I put a lot of thought into how to get rid of that phone. How stupid I was and so much energy as always!!
Anyway, recently my paranoia got the best of me (as so much evidence), so I called the number (only one that could have answered would have been me I thought but no phone as I killed it), but surprise surprise, found the number was still active, so he NEVER cancelled it, and to top it off, he has the number forwarded to his own cell with his voicemail on it (for what I will never know). Thank goodness it was in his name and I never saw the bill, and it wasn't on a plan with the rest of his family.
Just one of the many many stupid and stressful things I did to hurt myself...:)
Just remember, xap's never get hurt.....NEVER, no matter what they say.....oh well, maybe their egos do, but we, the OPTION, always do! We do that to ourselves due to our addiction!
Be the Priority and never the option in life!
Lesson learned = Get rid of all the evidence and don't trust xap to do it too.
This was a good confession. You had me worried there at first. ;-)
You are now taking positive steps in the disengaging process and this is what's going to maintain that power
~Iddy~
That is a great step! I did the same thing few weeks ago- deleted him from my IM, facebook, gchat, everything. Before, I felt like I needed to know when he was online... but then I realized that was leaving a crack in the door and I slammed it shut.
Kudos to you for taking that step!
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
I'd call that big step a leap!
AAI,
Over the weekend ,
~Iddy~
~Iddy~
Xap and I had a "secret" phone that he gave me, so I carried two phones...scary and stressful stuff! My phones were identical except for the wall paperpaper on the front (one was blue and the other RED). When I went NC I told him to close the account as I wouldn't be using it. I didn't know what to do with the phone, so I killed it by smashing it with a hammer in the patio and putting a few pieces in different baggies (like someone was going to be able to put it together..lol) and tossed them in various trash cans over a period of a week. I put a lot of thought into how to get rid of that phone. How stupid I was and so much energy as always!!
Anyway, recently my paranoia got the best of me (as so much evidence), so I called the number (only one that could have answered would have been me I thought but no phone as I killed it), but surprise surprise, found the number was still active, so he NEVER cancelled it, and to top it off, he has the number forwarded to his own cell with his voicemail on it (for what I will never know). Thank goodness it was in his name and I never saw the bill, and it wasn't on a plan with the rest of his family.
Just one of the many many stupid and stressful things I did to hurt myself...:)
Just remember, xap's never get hurt.....NEVER, no matter what they say.....oh well, maybe their egos do, but we, the OPTION, always do! We do that to ourselves due to our addiction!
Be the Priority and never the option in life!
Lesson learned = Get rid of all the evidence and don't trust xap to do it too.
NC = No New Hurts
Mish