Why am I so weak around him?
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Why am I so weak around him?
| Tue, 03-09-2010 - 5:43pm |
This is my first time writing on this message board, let alone telling anyone that this has been going on. I have been having an affair with a younger man at work for the past 3 months. I haven't slept with him, but we flirt constantly, we kiss, we have met outside of work a few times and made out (with allot of touching# and we have tried a bit of oral sex in our office!! I have been with my husband for 19 years and have never thought I would EVER do this! I even think I have a pretty good marriage. Every week I try to stop myself # I tell him its over, I refrain from any flirting, I try not to be alone with him)

Oh dear AIR,
Just keep reading through these boards and you will know why you need to stop this damaging behavior ASAP. The answers are all here, shared by and among all the women (and a few men) who have lived through their A's and are in the painful process of ending them now.
The only advice I can give directly is STOP, just STOP, before you get any more carried away. It sounds like he is playing games with you and is quite possibily just looking for a "cougar" experience.
AIR, <------Take a deep breath ;-)
Welcome to EAS. I'm not sure if you have been reading for a while on this board, but scroll down to the healing library and you will find many answers to your questions. There is a thread called, "How to maintain LC at the Workplace. Be sure to read this one and start implementing the advice that is given there.
You are getting off on the attention, especially if he is younger than you. Not only does it make you feel younger, but it's nice to think a younger guy finds you attractive. The only problem with this thinking is that you could be ANYBODY that would be willing to go into the back room, or sneak away at lunch. You see, we think we are just "all that" because some guy wants us..but the truth of the matter is, he wants to fool around and needs to find someone/anyone to do it with. Ouch, yep...the truth hurts.
I hope you will find the strength to cut this off before it goes any further. If you keep reading here you will see all the pain and anguish these ladies/gents are feeling once an A comes to an end..and they all do eventually.
You'll stop when you are ready to stop. He can't talk you into anything you are not willing to do. The choice has always yours, AIR. I hope you decide that you are worth more than a few stolen feel goods and feel
~Iddy~
I just wanted to echo what has been said to you..great advice. I can tell you that my
I am scared that if I ignore him, he will try harder for my attention ( which he has in the past) and then the situation easily gets out of control. I think about him and it makes my stomach queasy..... Is this the same cycle you guys have gone through??? Also is there somewhere I can decode all the abbreviations?? I am clueless?? Thanks!
Besides the fact that you're doing yourself such harm playing around with anyone outside of your marriage, and doesn't matter what his age is, you're doing it at work. Do you really think you two are the only ones that know about this little A? Wrong wrong wrong! When you're in the fog that you seem to be in now, you can't possibly see or feel the eyes and ears around you.
All the feel goods you think you want and have are going to compromise you in the work place, and your reputation will be ruined. It doesn't matter if you're in a large or small office, "they" know!
With that said, you need to get completely out of this A NOW! You're playing with fire and your ap is using you over and over. He just wants a cheap thrill and any thrill he can get will do. You're special, but not to him. You're just available and he knows how to push the right buttons to get his buzz on.
It's time you take care of you! He's not going to do that, and in fact, when he's finished "playing", you will be not only hurt but left in the dust and will have no respect for yourself and will be alone.
Be smart! Get out! You can do this, and you can still work with him if that's a must. Read read read the board until you can't stand yourself anymore, and then turn it around and build yourself up so you feel good about you.
Am I being harsh? Yes!
I do hope you start feeling better about yourself and take back your power, as it's so important for your health. There is nothing good about what you're doing, so please focus on you and not on some JAM.
Hugs and take care of yourself,
Mish
The list is in the HL, but I will paste here for quick review. Be sure to check out the Healing Library...you will find oodles of information there.
A – Affair
AP - Affair Partner
BF - Boyfriend
BFF - Best Friend Forever
BS - Betrayed Spouse
BIL - Brother-in-Law
BTW - By The Way
BTDT - Been There, Done That
CL - Community Leader
CM - Community Moderator
D- Divorce
D-Day - Discovery Day (day you discovered the affair)
DD - Dear Daughter
DH - Dear or Darling Husband
DS - Dear Son
DW - Dear or Darling Wife
DIL - Daughter-in-Law
DSD - Dear Stepdaughter
DSS - Dear Stepson
EA - Emotional Affair
EX - Exhusband or Exwife
FIL - Father-in-Law
FWIW - For What It's Worth
FYI - For Your Information
GF - Girlfriend
GMTA - Great Minds Think Alike
IMO - In My Opinion
IMHO - In My Honest/Humble Opinion
IC - Individual Counseling
IOW - In Other Words
ITM - In The Meantime
IRL - In Real Life
ITA - I Totally Agree
J/K - Just Kidding
JMHO - Just My Honest/Humble Opinion
JAM - Just A Man
KWIM - Know What I Mean
LC - Limited Contact
LD - Long Distance
LMAO - Laughing My A** Off
LOL - Laughing Out Loud
M -
~Iddy~
Thank you....I am sure I will get the hang of this sooner or later. :)