"Feel Goods" and "Feel Bads"
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"Feel Goods" and "Feel Bads"
| Wed, 03-10-2010 - 10:30am |
While all A's are really the same (deceitful, false and destructive) the motives for becomming involved may differ among us all. As so many have posted in EAS, part of the healing process involves analyzing why we got involved in the A in the first place. I think everyone would agree that the "Feel Goods" are what initially hooked us and the "Feel Bads" helped us realize we needed to get out.
I'm curious to know what some of your "Feel Goods" were and what your "Feel Bads" were/are. I think if we can identify the "Feel Goods" then we can work on finding healthier substitutes to achieve those same good feelings.
For me, the "Feel Goods" were knowing how much he desired me,

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I could have written your feel goods and feel bads word for word.
Put simply, xap gave me validation that I so needed at the time. Now I realize that validation comes from within myself. I don't need another person to make me feel good about myself.
And yes, the scaled back communication that came at the end, him not being there when I needed him most, and me finally realizing that this wasn't going anywhere- those were the feel bads that finally prompted me to end it. (Not to mention the escalating guilt I felt for living a double life).
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Hmm, not so sure I want to revisit all that
Good thread!
Feel Goods I got from A:
desirable
needed
valued opinion
self-worth (because he was risking his on-again off-again R with LIGF for ME!)
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hey ladies!....wanted to chime in on this one...For me he was pulling away more and more
I totally agree, GREAT THREAD!!!
E1, you are always so spot on. The same things that made me feel good at the begining are the same things the A took away at the end. The A gave me validation, a sense of appreciation and self worth. Little did I know that those were also the sacrifices of such a destructive mess.
And WOW did you hit me hard with: Men dont just pay prostitutes for sex because there are
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I'm with you on that one. Never ever in my life man made me feel so unworthy and insignificant.
Alice, I remember your story and telling you what a paranoid little
---I love it! Made me LOL.
If you run for office, I will move to your town and vote for you!!! I used a public forum and the community to build my strength after my xap and I had a d-day 20 years ago. I was absolutely ashamed and mortified for
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