When do the ups & downs end??
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When do the ups & downs end??
| Sat, 03-13-2010 - 9:15am |
Wow. The ups and downs of ending this are wearing me out. On Day 14 (Thursday) I felt rather strong when I woke up. By the end of the afternoon, I was having an emotional meltdown.

I was wondering the same thing...the first days were horrible...then I hit a couple of days where I was so clear headed and could really understand why this was all necessary...to break the hold....I do count down the days..and when I realized it was 10 days I felt so unbelievably good....but had a bad time last night....too much free thinking time....and was thinking about how much I probably hurt her...and eventhough I tried to explain why I had to end everything.....and she said she understood....she never did....but.....my very loving partner came home...and we soon headed out for the evening for a wonderful Friday night....and I was fully engaged...never once leaving to go check emails...hoping I would get one...although weekends they were rare....seems to be a theme...and I truly didn't think about it once...until we got home...
what stops me cold from reaching out is that each time I tried to break it off...and each time I failed....I ended up feeling so much worse than I did before......simply put the good of the A ...and there were some wonderful moments...didn't exceed the
Alwayst, I wish I had the answer for you. I was actually going to post today with the heading "lost". I am over 2 months NC. I'll be going along just fine then out of the blue I begin to question myself. I say things like: "why put yourself thru this? Let him know you're feeling lost"; "he must miss me as much as I do him, I should reassure him I haven't forgotten him".
Then I think of my EAS family. The only people on earth that are aware of my pain. And I don't want to disappoint all of you. I remember that I will only experience more of that deep pain. I think about what he would say to me, all of the things he has said before, like: " I love you, but that's not enough. Our age difference would come between us"; "you have your family, and you know I will never be accepted".
Those answers will not give me what I need. Those answers will only cause me to go thru the crying myself to sleep at night phase, the not eating, the fog etc. etc.
So, again, I try to put on the happy face and "actasif" I am fine. Maybe one day I will actually be fine.
I'm here with you. We didn't even have an official ending and in LC/NC situation. Some days I can barely breathe and walk around with this nagging heartache and feel tears just welling up. Then I've had a couple days when I was ok. Today is rough again.
XOXO
Gone
GBG,
I am sorry you are having a rough day. I had to go sit in a corner and cry. I guess some days are just going to be like that until the hurt lessens, day by day. Like you, we didn't have an "official" ending either. The communication just became less frequent. He was the last one to send me an email and that was 16 days ago. Haven't heard from him since. The longest we had ever gone before was a week and a half. So maybe he wanted to end it too and didn't know how to tell me? We've just simply stopped communicating. I think that's what's making it hard for me because
I don't think any of us are strangers to ups and downs.It hurts me when others here are hurting.
I am 44 days NC/LC today and I still feel ups and downs on a daily basis. What I can say is that the lows are not as low as they were inside the A and they are slowly getting more tolerable. Maybe this comes from truly knowing and believing that they pass- because I've experienced the passing. Maybe this comes from more distance between the present and the ending. Whatever the reason- I know I am not out of the woods. That is why I continue to self protect, come here for support, and remain NC. I know that the vets here know what they are talking about because they've been where we are and I am following their course. I want out of these ups and downs and I know that as I continue to move farther from the ending, the ups and downs will even out.
Thinking of all of you today.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Thank you for your kind words. How is today for you?
I've had the same problem with my x - how such gentle, warm and loving man could be so passionate with me, and then simply turn his back and totally forget about me? I know his life is really busy, but still it never made any sense - how can you love someone one day, and then treat them as they do not exist.
XOXO
Gone
I am sorry to see how many of you here are hurting today. Of course I can't say just when the ups and downs will end, but I can promise you they will get less intense and occur less often with time and distance = NC. It truly works. Also use that time and distance to discover and acknowledge your motivations for the A. Once I was truly honest with myself I began to see my real life as a pretty okay place to be and
Hi GBG,
We had a really great party last night and I had so much fun with