I see no one has responded because, well, what does one say to someone who's H thinks he has a faithful wife, and yet here she was having sex for the first time
You have to end it because as I see it, ajaycee, things are not going well.
Things do not go well in an affair. There is nothing good in an affair. You are caught up in the emotional feel goods that last maybe a short while and then what? You go back for more? More destructive behavior, more angst, more worry, more risk of discovery. And for 15 minutes of physical pleasure. That's not a relationship that is going well. It might be going well for your AP, but honey, not for you in any sense of the word. Get out of this now! He is not a friend. What true friend would
jaycee, I just read your post on the newbies thread. I want to say I know all about reconnecting with an old love. That's why I'm here. I found my college love after 30 years and we ended up in a 3 yr. affair. I ended it.
You cannot become friends once again after you have crossed that line. The sexual chemistry is always there. You both have experienced the
I know you are in a bad place right now. We are at our lowest when we are involved in an A. We tell ourselves how amazing it is but when get out of the A and totally de-fog we see the relationship for what it really was. Fifteen minutes and he put you out the door. You are at a very low place for some reason ajay and you have to figure out why you are in the abyss. It's not good for your self-esteem or self-worth. You have a H who loves you and beleives that you love him just as much. Don't ruin your M for some guy who can only give you fifteen minutes of his time. It's not worth it. Living a life with integrity and dignity feels much better than a 15 minute high.
Why cant you unfriend him on facebook, delete his phone number, drop his 'friendship', why cant do you? He called you and within 15 mins the deed was done...what does that say for his friendship to you. Its telling him that hey you guys can still be friends and youll still come over for some afternoon nookie.
You have to be ready to end an A because if your not youre still going to be going around and around on the roller coaster of emotions. If what your H said really hit home, then what does it matter what XAP will have to say. Anything that has to do with XAP....it doesnt matter anymore....your H does.
yeah maybe youre right about convincing yourself to do this because you have too;maybe at 1st. But the real strength comes from within when you realize how much pain and hurt youre causing not only to yourself but to your family and when you see the depth of pain in your H eyes...only then will you know how much strength its going to take to do this, and its not because you have too, it will be because you want too.
Ajay, you can't be serious. What do you mean - "things are going TOO well for us"? Do you think that you can't do better for yourself than 15 minute quickie with this creep?
If for nothing or noone else, you have to end it for YOU. You deserve better than "friend" like that.
Ajay, you've been sitting on this fence for a while. I think you already know that it's going to end badly if you don't get out now. You've been talking about it for a couple of weeks. I also think you've got it in your mind that the attention he is paying you is special. Really? 15 minutes and then shoving you out the door. And then you didn't hear from him for several days afterward? Do you really
ok, jaycee, now the work begins. Yes, it will be hard, but fake it til you make it.
I think I can understand your "reasoning" for why. I did the same thing. I fooled myself into believing that I found him (xAP) again and I wasn't ever letting him out of my life again. I believed that load of crap for almost 3 years. In fact, if I spoke with xAP today, he'd want me back as his "friend". Yeah, right. I used the unfinished history between us as a crutch. It was my excuse (or 1 of them) that allowed me to stay in the affair. A wonderful poster on this board asked me if this man was so dang special to me, then where had he been the past 30 yrs. He wasn't around helping me raise my children, he wasn't around as a friend, he wasn't around supporting me. If he was all that wonderful, then why was he not in my real life. I managed to live quite well without him for all those years, so what made me think I have to have him now, ya know? Just something to think about jaycee.
I'm so PROUD of you, Ajay. I know it hurts your heart and stomach to do it, but that pain really is temporary even though you are going to feel at times like crawling into a little ball and sobbing your heart out. It goes with ending an A and I don't think there is any way around it. It's just going to hurt sometimes, but if you CAN and WILL believe in yourself and your personal inner strength, you will get through those emotional lows without breaking your new NC rule. Have you blocked him from your email? Do yourself a favor and DO NOT reply if he emails you back.
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Ajay,
I see no one has responded because, well, what does one say to someone who's H thinks he has a faithful wife, and yet here she was having sex for the first time
~Iddy~
You have to end it because as I see it, ajaycee, things are not going well.
Things do not go well in an affair. There is nothing good in an affair. You are caught up in the emotional feel goods that last maybe a short while and then what? You go back for more? More destructive behavior, more angst, more worry, more risk of discovery. And for 15 minutes of physical pleasure. That's not a relationship that is going well. It might be going well for your AP, but honey, not for you in any sense of the word. Get out of this now! He is not a friend. What true friend would
jaycee, I just read your post on the newbies thread. I want to say I know all about reconnecting with an old love. That's why I'm here. I found my college love after 30 years and we ended up in a 3 yr. affair. I ended it.
You cannot become friends once again after you have crossed that line. The sexual chemistry is always there. You both have experienced the
Who are you kidding???? Really!
Why cant you unfriend him on facebook, delete his phone number, drop his 'friendship', why cant do you? He called you and within 15 mins the deed was done...what does that say for his friendship to you. Its telling him that hey you guys can still be friends and youll still come over for some afternoon nookie.
You have to be ready to end an A because if your not youre still going to be going around and around on the roller coaster of emotions. If what your H said really hit home, then what does it matter what XAP will have to say. Anything that has to do with XAP....it doesnt matter anymore....your H does.
yeah maybe youre right about convincing yourself to do this because you have too;maybe at 1st. But the real strength comes from within when you realize how much pain and hurt youre causing not only to yourself but to your family and when you see the depth of pain in your H eyes...only then will you know how much strength its going to take to do this, and its not because you have too, it will be because you want too.
GL to you
Hugs
DM
Ajay, you can't be serious. What do you mean - "things are going TOO well for us"? Do you think that you can't do better for yourself than 15 minute quickie with this creep?
If for nothing or noone else, you have to end it for YOU. You deserve better than "friend" like that.
XOXO
Gone
Ajay, you've been sitting on this fence for a while. I think you already know that it's going to end badly if you don't get out now. You've been talking about it for a couple of weeks. I also think you've got it in your mind that the attention he is paying you is special. Really? 15 minutes and then shoving you out the door. And then you didn't hear from him for several days afterward? Do you really
I did it... I deleted his number, I deleted him from IM, and then I sent him an e-mail and told him it was over, I was done.
ok, jaycee, now the work begins. Yes, it will be hard, but fake it til you make it.
I think I can understand your "reasoning" for why. I did the same thing. I fooled myself into believing that I found him (xAP) again and I wasn't ever letting him out of my life again. I believed that load of crap for almost 3 years. In fact, if I spoke with xAP today, he'd want me back as his "friend". Yeah, right. I used the unfinished history between us as a crutch. It was my excuse (or 1 of them) that allowed me to stay in the affair. A wonderful poster on this board asked me if this man was so dang special to me, then where had he been the past 30 yrs. He wasn't around helping me raise my children, he wasn't around as a friend, he wasn't around supporting me. If he was all that wonderful, then why was he not in my real life. I managed to live quite well without him for all those years, so what made me think I have to have him now, ya know? Just something to think about jaycee.
I'm so PROUD of you, Ajay. I know it hurts your heart and stomach to do it, but that pain really is temporary even though you are going to feel at times like crawling into a little ball and sobbing your heart out. It goes with ending an A and I don't think there is any way around it. It's just going to hurt sometimes, but if you CAN and WILL believe in yourself and your personal inner strength, you will get through those emotional lows without breaking your new NC rule. Have you blocked him from your email? Do yourself a favor and DO NOT reply if he emails you back.
Pages