Lucky 13 :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Lucky 13 :)
18
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 3:35pm

Kind of slow here today. Just wanted to post that I'm on day 13. This is a first for me, the farthest I have ever made it. So I'm happy and proud :) I'm feeling good today. I hope everyone out there is doing okay too! :)

Hazel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 4:04pm

Hi HR:


I'm on Day 14 here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 4:05pm

Yey for you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 4:56pm

Day 18 here. What is it about Day 13 and 14?? I felt fantastic on Day 13, but had a complete meltdown on Day 14.


Hang in there ladies....Keep up the great work!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 5:09pm

hazel~

I am so incredibly proud of you, and incredibly happy for you too :)

You have come such a long way already - I am interested to know how you have been managing things to get this far!

Keep going and continue to Be Strong xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 11:59am
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Edited 5/6/2010 12:30 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 2:47pm

hazel~

I know exactly what you mean!! Tired of the way xAP makes you feel...I'm getting that too right now, 'big time'! And it's so empowering to get that ourselves isn't it?! To have that feeling, and tell ourselves that we are not going to let ourselves be treated like that! My H would never, ever treat me the way xAP has treated me at times and for that it makes me love my H even more :)

I was just curious about how often you've seen xAP, if at all? Has your H been working out with him? Have you managed to completely avoid any couple get togethers?

Be Strong xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 5:17pm
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Edited 5/6/2010 12:31 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 6:15pm

(((HR)))


It's 2 weeks now, and woo-hoo!! I am very proud of you, and especially pleased over how you are suppporting others on this board too. The more we give, the easier it is to receive. Sometimes it's really hard to accept the gifts of others but by paying it forward, what comes back to us is the good stuff now. ;-)


Keep it going, HR. I know this is a tough time...the first 3 weeks are brutal, but you are almost there.


(((Hugs)))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 4:45am

Hey hazel~

You are doing such an incredibly awesome job!! I've noticed all the support posts you've been writing lately too - it's so wonderful that you are able to do that so well, considering all that you are going through yourself.

Thank you for asking me about how I'm going, it's kind of a difficult/complex question to answer!! Personally, I'm doing really well. I started a new full time job 2 1/2 weeks ago - it's a fantastic and sought after position with a large government organisation in a five storey very modern office right near the waterfront. Awesome location and wonderful people to work with. I am very blessed!! I'm so loving dressing up and going to work each day, and it's keeping me very busy and focused which is great. My beautiful H is also great too, and him and I are working very hard on our M. I am so blessed to have him too...he loves me so much and is so caring, giving and willing to do whatever it takes to move happily into the future together :) The reason why I have gone through spaces of time without posting/touching base here on EAS has been because at times I have chosen to do things a little differently, and because this board is very focused on the only way being NC I felt that I didn't have a right to be too involved regarding providing support etc. So I felt I should 'stay out of things' and maybe come back sometime when I had actual NC time under my belt. But I'm very lucky that even though I've had some very limited contact with xAP (a couple of phone calls, texts and one lunchtime catch up which was absolutely fine - I never wanted to continue the A and I felt strongly abou that) I've still been able to heal and learn alot about the mistakes of the A. And yes, I told my H about those contacts so I was honest with him about that. I was completely aware and in touch with myself about how I was feeling, and only I have the reasons within myself why I chose to do things 'this way'. And I must point out, my emotions have been completely in check and I haven't felt out of control in that area - alot of that may have to do with the fact that I've been so busy with my new job and keeping things running smoothly at home that I've had not much time to think about xAP!!!

Anyway...to cut a long story short, last week I texted xAP in the middle of the week and asked him if he wanted to catch up for lunch one day this week as we'd talked about earlier. He said yes of course. So Monday came, I texted a happy morning greeting to him, asking him about his weekend, congratulated him about the two wickets he got in his cricket match on Saturday (my H and xAP both play cricket in the same grade) and asked him which days were good for him to catch up? And he texted me back with just this - "most days"!!!!! No, it didn't pain me greatly, just made me shake my head in disbelief! Texted him back with "a bit more effort with your reply would have been nice", and he texted back with "K"!! Needless to say, it's Wednesday now and I've decided not to text him back re lunch or whatever!! Sure, he texted me yesterday asking me how I was 'on this fine day' but I ignored him. And for those who may be wondering, I am not too upset by this at all. I am now in a pretty happy and strong place and my only thoughts are that there's no way I will let a 'friend' treat me like this - my H would never ever do that, he always makes a point of taking some time to text me with detail, and if he's busy, he lets me know then gets back to me later.

I must reiterate that this is the way I chose to do things, and I am definitely out of the 'fog' of the A and are able to make decisions that are not based on emotion only. I now don't feel a longing for xAP, and I am really beginning to see him for the sort of person he is! And I think that has been reinforced by the fact that my H and I are working so hard on reconnecting in our M. I know alot of this will not make sense to some on this board, and I know many will not 'agree' with the way I've chosen to do this (the actual A ended back on 12th December) but we are all different and we must remember that. My healing has been very gradual, and it's been an absolute rollercoaster for sure, but the rollercoaster has definitely calmed down alot, and I'm feeling at peace and looking forward to the future ahead with my beautiful and supportive H.

Continue your awesome and admirable journey hazel~ and I'm already looking forward to hearing about how you are going in the future! I've followed your journey from the start, and I know how incredibly difficult and confusing this has been for you due to the complexity of your interwined lives. You go girl!

Be Strong xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
In reply to: hazelrose2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 6:49pm
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Edited 5/6/2010 12:31 pm ET by hazelrose2009

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